Canvas 4

A kind doctor I met yesterday gave me a sketchbook that was a little bigger than a 10P canvas (55cm×38cm).

The paper texture is not bad either.

It is not a standardized canvas in France, but it is usable as it is.

It would have been better if he had given emulsions and brushes, but the thick pencil set of these twelve colours is also very interesting.

The colouring is unfortunate, but the colour is unique, and even if I don’t cut it with a knife, the led rises when I turn the tip of the pencil, so it is a very convenient tool.

The development of technology is also phenomenal.

The graphite has become harder and more convenient to use than before, and it can been painted in various colours, but there are countless things to draw.

How did the paint change?

What colour can I make?

As I continue to think about it, I felt too bad that I couldn’t be born in this world.

The passion that’s boiling in my heart.

The desire to capture this wonderful world on the canvas diminishes the guilt of occupying this child’s body.

He’s only 7 or 8 years old.

This child must have had his own life.

But I took it from him for an unknown reason.

Even so, there is a desire in the corner of my heart to enjoy this world more.

A luxurious meal and a clean spacious room.

Nice sketchbook and pencil.

Happiness from a healthy body.

Also the love received due to misunderstanding from this child’s grandfather.

The dream-like time of the past few days might probably be the last gift God has given me.

I can’t be greedy anymore.

“Hun, take your medicine”.

While I was thinking like that, the nurse gave me a pebble that look like some small eggs.

When I swallow it with water, she laughs.

“You eat so bravely”.

If it’s necessary for this child, it’s right to do so.

Because this child shouldn’t feel sick when I return his body.

The nurse stroked my head.

“You eat well and take medicine, so you’ll get well soon and you can draw more of your favourite paintings.”

It breaks my heart to hear that I can draw more pictures.

“When you get better, you have to work really hard”.

As I stayed still, the nurse wrapped her hand around and cheered.

“You were really, really sick. we thought you would never wake up again, but your Grandpa came by every day.”

Although I can’t fully understand it.

It seems that this child’s grandfather was terrified.

I felt sorry for him.

______________

“Are you ready? Let’s go to Grandpa’s house.”

After about a month from waking up, I was able to leave the hospital.

Having conversation is still difficult, but the sentences that I can understand has increased, and I still haven’t found a way to return this body to the child.

For the time being, I thought it was good for this child to act as the Grandpa wanted, so I followed him.

Someday, when I return this body, I want to reduce the problems that will occur at that time.

“Okay, get in grandfather’s car.”

I watched it a few times through TV, but the car of Grandpa was completely different from the cars I knew.

The blue-coloured exterior is glossy and large.

When I tried to ride it, I hesitated because I felt little uncomfortable, but Grandpa comforted me.

“It’s okay.”

His face soothing the child was so pathetic that I was forced to climb up.

My younger brother Theo said that a car was made, so he asked me to succeed someday and buy it.

I didn’t know I would ride it like this.

“Uh.”

It’s so fast.

I was amazed by the car that was moving much faster than a horse or train in an instant.

It’s so fast.

When I looked sideways in surprise, people and wooden buildings passed by so quickly that I couldn’t recognize the shape.

My heart is about to explode.

“Ha, grandpa!”

Fortunately, when I urgently shouted ‘Grandpa’ the speed decreased.

The car stopped by the road.

My heart is pounding so fast that I can’t come to my senses.

“Hun…”

I was barely trying to calm down, but Grandpa asked something.

I don’t know what the hell he wants in this urgent situation, so he looked at me and asked again.

“What did you just say?”

“…Grandpa.!”

He was so surprised and I couldn’t figure out what his problem was, but Grandpa suddenly laughed loudly.

“Hahaha! Yes! Yes! It’s grandpa! Hun, who am I?”

“Grandfather…”

“Hahahaha! Yes, My baby, My baby. I’m your grandfather.”

Grandpa suddenly reached out and messed up my head.

I felt affection for some reason, even though he was too strong.

I can’t believe he’s so happy just for calling him.

I think he might have been had a hard time.

After the car moved again, Grandpa stopped the car.

“Okay, let’s get off.”

Grandpa’s house was quite large.

The stone wall is high.

As I passed through the iron door, I saw a two-story building with a small garden.

It is not comparable to a noble family, but at a glance, it is a wealthy house.

I followed him and as I was about to take off my shoes and go in.

“Hun, what do you want to eat..? Grandpa will do everything for you. Or should I order something..?”

I don’t know what to answer.

“You don’t have to eat at the hospital anymore. Ah.. Do you like pizza? Shall we eat pizza?”

I don’t know if the pizza that Grandpa is talking about is the same as that pizza in Italy.

I roughly guess what I hear and understand, but it’s still too eary to say in sentences.

“Pizza?”

“Yes… Pizza. Will you have some?”

“Yes.”

It doesn’t matter what it is, but I’ve tried it a few times, so I think it’ll be okay.

“Let’s see. The phone number…”

“Hun, sit over there and rest. If you want to watch TV, watch it.”

There’s nothing like a TV to spend time with.

There is nothing else to do, so I headed to the place indicated by Grandpa.

There was a very nice sofa and a much larger TV than the one in the hospital room.

And, a picture is hung beside it.

Oh my.

An oil painting of a woman sitting on a sofa.

It’s amazing.

The form was set as simple as possible.

It’s unconventional.

The exaggerated abundance, thin and thick boundaries, and the strangely prominent composition without feeling any three-dimensional effect deny the paintings I know so far.

But

Beautiful.

TV, cars, coloured pencils, and luxurious meals were not as amazing as this painting.

As I was mesmerized, I didn’t even know that Grandpa was next to me.

“It’s a picture of ‘dream’”.

“Dream”?

“Do you like it?”

I nodded.

Who in the world can paint such a picture?

“It will be a little difficult for you to understand yet. Let’s study slowly with grandpa later.”

I couldn’t really hear what he said.

This painting is truly innovative.

It is not known when it was painted, but I dare to assume that it is a work that has leaped through the history of art at once.

“Who?”

“This? Who drew this?”

I nodded.

“It was drawn by a man named Picasso.”

“Picasso?”

It’s a name I’ve never heard of before.

“Yes. Pablo Picasso, who was a genius among geniuses.”

Pablo Picasso.

I should keep that name in mind.

While I was watching Picasso’s ‘Dream’ like that, Grandpa suddenly went outside and bought in pizza.

I saw pizza for the first time in his life.

I expected Margherita with tomato sauce, cheese, and basil.

But the pizza Grandpa bought in was sparsely Brown, rich with ripen cheese.

Meat is cut into small pieces and placed all over it.

Vegetables like mushrooms, bell peppers, and onions are cooked and placed on it.

It looked so fresh.

What the hell is this…?

Is this luxurious dish really the pizza that I knew?

“Okay, let’s eat.”

Grandpa handed over a piece.

Grandpa laughed as I was thinking about how to eat it because of its burdensome thickness and huge size.

“Hahaha. You want grandfather to eat first?”

“All right. Um. I ate it”.

“Go ahead and eat.”

I don’t know what’s so funny, but I’m glad he’s in a good mood.

Let’s take a bite.

The rich smell spreads throughout the mouth, filling the nasal cavity, and the savoury taste of touching the tongue makes my whole body shudder.

What kind of meat spews juice.

How on earth did they grow vegetables that had a crunchy texture even though they were baked so well?

I’m sure that after 137 years mankind had developed a state of art pizza.

“Mi, Miracle.”

I couldn’t help but admire it.

Grandpa’s expression turned strange when I was about to put the Pizza in my mouth.

“Hun, you.”

I met his eyes while holding pizza near my mouth.

“Where did you learn French?”

I don’t know what he was talking about.

Grandpa scratched his eyebrows.

I don’t know what he’s thinking….may be about this miracle pizza.

Then he finally opened his mouth.

“Que tu parles français..?”

It’s French.

I can’t believe there was someone who spoke French..!

I answered the question

“I’m so glad you can speak French.”

“Yes, I know French.”

Grandpa’s face was filled with astonishment.

“You’re so good at talking…then why did you keep your mouth shut?”

I was surprised and dropped the pizza.

“Huh?”

He asked once again and I answered.

“No one understands.”

“No one understands? Who?”

“Nurse. Whatever I says, she didn’t understand.”

“Huh.”

Grandfather rested in chair as if he was amazed.

“Korean?”

“I don’t know.”

While looking up at the ceiling he opened his mouth.

“What kind of mother does not teach his son in mother tongue”?

Suddenly grandpa yelled in Korean.

Then he turned to me.

“…Yeah. you’ve lived in France for about three years, so you can speak French.”

“Ahhh, she should have taught some Korean at home!”

He’s suddenly yelling again.

I put down the pizza I picked up.

Now that I know that we can communicate, it’s time to tell him the truth.

Although it’s harsh for him.

I can’t just occupy this child’s body like this.

As I was opening my mouth to tell the truth.

Grandfather shed tears.

An old man with a strong hand dropped tears so sadly.

“Grandpa thought you, you really couldn’t talk in shock.”

“You punk.”

“……”

“But it was okay.”

“All you had to do is stay alive. Everyone said that you were dead. I thought I was left all alone in this world.”

“But look at this…Aren’t you alive like this?”

“ You speak well..! Eat well…! draw extraordinarily well?”

Grandpa, who was sobbing, approached me and hugged me.

“……”

I am not certain what to do.

To him who found hope,

I can’t tell that your grandson…maybe be dead.

I have to say, but my hand is already hugging his back.

“Grandpa…”

“Hahaha! Yes…yes… You can just learn how to speak!”

Grandfather grabbed both arms and looked at my face.

Then, he hugged again.

I wonder how happy he is to be like this.

But I can’t cheat and live.

“Okay. That’s all I need. Let’s live with grandpa. I’ll let you do whatever you want and eat whatever you want.”

My eyes went to the pizza I was eating without even realizing it.

“Do you like pizza?”

“I’ll buy you every day.”

No. That’s not healthy.

“Do you like painting….? This is a fake, but if you want to see the real thing, I’ll take you to the Musée d’Orsay or the Louvre!”

“Louvre? Are you talking about the Louvre Castle?”

“Yes…! Do you want to see the Mona Lisa?”

Mona Lisa.

Is he talking about the genius Leonardo da Vinci…?

“I’m talking about La Gioconda?”

“Wha…… That La Gioconda.”

I really want to see it.

No, no, I shouldn’t do this.

I am Vincent Van Gogh not Ko Hun.

I’m a useless human being who lived in poverty and leached on my brother Theo all my life.

But at least I did not live a life with lies.

I cannot deceive this good old man and take over the body of a dead child to satisfy my greed.

And, I know better than anyone how harsh it is to live on behalf of the dead.

“Now. Let’s eat first.”

“Ah hurry.”

I grabbed the pizza Grandpa had given to me and put it in my mouth as if possessed by a ghost.

Delicious.

No Words can describe how delicious this pizza is.

This is the symbol of abundance.

How can this yellowish-ripe bread be so soft and chewy?

“Tasty…..huh?”

I nodded.

This is the first time I have eaten such a luxurious food.

I didn’t starve, but because of the canvas, paints, and modelling fees, I ate bread that was so hard that my gums hurt.

However, this is also the happiness that this child should have had.

This man is not conversing with me, but with his dead grandson.

Continuing this misaligned relationship will only make me feel uncomfortable.

I was just about to tell the truth.

Suddenly, Grandpa pulled out something.

“And do you like coloured pencils? Grandpa also bought colour pencils for you.”

Grandpa pulled out an iron can with (100 Coloured pencils) written on it.

Let’s open the cover.

Literally hundreds of colour pencils lined up neatly in a very beautiful shape.

My hands are shaking without realizing it.

how.

What can I draw with this coloured pencils?

No, since I can use such a variety of colours delicately, I can draw anything.

“Isn’t it pretty?”

I nodded my head.

“Do you want it?”

I Want.

“Little Hun, who am I?”

“Why don’t you answer me?”

Grandfather waves the coloured pencil in front of me.

“……Grandpa.”

“Ha ha ha ha ha! okay! Here you go…!”

Grandpa, who always looked at me with sad eyes, laughed so loudly.

Trivia

The painter Vincent Van Gogh inherited the name of his older brother ‘Vincent Van Gogh’, who died right after he was born.

It is known that he grew up watching the grave of his older brother with the same name as himself, and as a child he suffered from pressure to live in the place of his deceased older brother.