The Law of Webnovels - Chapter 195

Chapter 195: Chapter 195

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Whether I got disconcerted or not, Jooin, who glanced at my face, continued his word with a swiveling smile.

“You know, mama, I’m not a person who believes in something like ghosts. Although I trust that you’ve been to a different universe before, as I get to fall into this bizarre situation, I was panic-stricken from not considering the possibility of myself having the same experience as you. That was why some random words just escaped through my mouth. I should have stopped at some point, but I failed to do so. Just forget about it.”

“Jooin, you…”

“Uh, I’m so scared! What if another freaking creature comes in here? We should go back ASAP, right mama?”

Jooin then stood up and looked at me. When our eyes met, he flaunted a bright grin without any stain of shade on his face. His smile was so flawless that I doubted if he was faking it for me. It resembled the fragrant and breezy smile that Yi Ruda had at me in the café before.

I stared at the hand he held out to me. Typically, I would have responded to his grin with a smile, too; however, I couldn’t do that at all.

My face would have been too messy. As Jooin caught a glimpse at me, his face turned a little stiff. After quite a while, he, at last, pouted his lips to fling a question.

“Mama, what’s wrong?”

I shook my head in the air quietly. Jooin always smiled like that when we were together. Thus, was his intentional grin a result of his calculated nature to avoid other’s malice and suspicion towards him? Rambling those thoughts in mind, I shook my head again. No, it wouldn’t be like that…

Speaking of my feeling of confusion right now, I was also the same as Jooin, although it wouldn’t be as grave as his situation. Under the numbed sense of reality caused by the continuously occurring surreal events, my way of thinking slowed down silently like a snail or a huge cogwheel.

I could barely open my mouth after quite some time. My eyes were then on Jooin.

“Jooin.”

Dropping his name out of my mouth, I felt a little perplexed since my voice sounded like I was fighting back my tears. As if he also perceived this as sensitively as I did, Jooin’s eyes stiffened while he had his gaze at me.

“Uh-huh.”

“I didn’t ask you to ignore them and move on from the reason that you were probably thinking.”

“…”

Jooin’s eyes displayed a sign of wonder. I stretched out my hand to grab his hand tightly in silence. Without that action, I couldn’t calm myself down. What was he thinking? Jooin grasped my hand more firmly than I.

I lifted my head to continue.

“That means I’m not as retardedly nice as you think. I just didn’t want to waste my time for an act of revenge. While going through what happened, I realized how many good people were around me, including you and how blessed I was for that; therefore, I didn’t want to care about it anymore.”

“…”

“This isn’t about me being nice. Let’s say there’s someone who neglects garbage in the street to avoid his or her clean hand from getting messy. Would you call that person nice? No, we don’t, do we?”

“Still…”

Jooin, who had his mouth shut for the whole time, detached his lips at last. I raised my eyes to look at him.

Our surroundings weren’t as bright compared to when the fluorescent light was opened, so I couldn’t read his expression. The subdued look on his eyes, however, penetrated the darkness and reached me clearly as well as his calm and heavy voice.

“You didn’t even think about avenging yourself against them. I… I wasn’t, though…”

“You know…” He averted his eyes back onto me. I paused in between my words then kept on talking. “Jooin, the reason why you said that you’re scared of me was that you thought you weren’t good enough for others, including me, and no one could understand you—”

“… Not just a thought. It’s true.”

This time, it was my turn to shut my lips. Jooin perked the corners of his lips upwards slightly to hint a twisted smile. I never saw him having such a deep sneer before. He wasn’t directing his crooked smile on me. It was somewhat directed to himself.

His palm moved to place it on the desk. His voice hastened.

“You heard from Eun Jiho everything about what I had been hearing from the woman who knew me since I was young. Back then, I wasn’t the same as I am now because I didn’t know how to pretend or camouflage my thoughts and looks. Except for Eun Jiho and my dad, she’s the only person who knows that thing.”

“Jooin.”

Ignoring my call, he went on with a cold smile.

“Whenever I talked, she never said anything but just quietly listened and smiled. At that time, I thought she was aware of what I was talking about or, at least, not regarding me as a weirdo. That was what I thought about her back then. However, do you know what she said to me at the end?”

“…”

“She had never seen anyone as creepy as I was. That was what she said to me. She also told me that I was fundamentally different from others; I was the only person with a big hole in my heart. Do you know what made it so funny? I already knew about it… the so-called conscience… something like that.”

I couldn’t say a word to respond. Stretching his hand to place it on the desk beside me, Jooin drew in his breath and heaved it out. His dry voice lingered around my ears.

“Mama, do you remember when I sometimes got out of touch and hid somewhere for a few days?”

“Oh…”

That happened a few times. For several days, Jooin sometimes erased himself from the face of the planet and dropped off the grid; however, Eun Jiho and Yoo Chun Young would also go abroad sometimes. In this regard, I considered what Jooin did as an extension of what other boys also did.

Jooin giggled at my reply. His continued remark then made my eyes open wide.

“It was because I was feeling guilty.”

“What?”

“Nope, it wasn’t a guilty conscience either. I was just scared of myself for hiding my true color to you and the others. It scared the hell out of me that everyone has known me as a good boy. How long will it last…? That kind of question came across me when I was with others, and it distressed me so much. What’s even worse is that sometimes my acting turns out to be a reflection of my insecurity. When that happens, I’m afraid that someone may notice immediately how strange I am… and that’s why…”

“…”

“I’ve wanted to have my personal time to check myself.”

With that said, Jooin sunk his head on his chest. The sweat running down his neck shone a pale radiance underneath the moonlight. Then I saw his white hand sweeping his brown hair back. It was quite a self-mocking gesture.

What he just said made sense too. After a few days of absence, Jooin would always appear out of the blue. He would then act more lighthearted and cheerful than usual. His unique character would dazzle more than ever that the class would suddenly turn up with Jooin in the center. Everyone couldn’t help themselves but feel excited to be around him.

My brows then suddenly furrowed at him. ‘No,’ I murmured to myself. Jooin always gave pleasure to others. He wasn’t a person who would confess his fears here while sweeping his hair back shabbily. Jooin never did anything wrong or committed a sin like that.

I stretched out my hand and grabbed his hand abruptly. It was such an impulsive reaction. Jooin, at the same time, raised his head quickly and directed his eyes on me. I bit my lips tightly before opening them up.

“Jooin, Eun Jiho said something to me.”

“Yeah.”

His reply rang around me, faintly.

“You have layers of something similar to an answering machine around you.”

“Ha… haha. Eun Jiho is a smart ass. How can he come up with such a great metaphor?”

“And that’s why he couldn’t reach you sometimes. He told me something like that.”

Jooin’s laughter then paused. It was, however, a short moment like a flash. When I looked at him again, I realized that he was staring at me with his usual, bright grin.