Never Saved You - Chapter 81
Chapter 81
Translator: Yonnee
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Ophelia was getting antsy because of this.
Regardless of the reason that he kept his distance from her, perhaps this had been a chance to narrow that distance between them again.
She couldn’t stand the thought that this chance had been thrown out the window permanently because she sent him away without even opening the door.
Perhaps the reason was this.
‘If Alei isn’t here, the plan would go wrong.’
Right, it was that reason.
For Ophelia’s plan to reach its completion, Alei was the key at the center of it all.
If Alei were to turn his back on Ophelia, then she would surely be left helplessly stranded where she was.
But really.
‘Is that really the only reason?’
Because Alei might turn his back on her—because he wouldn’t look at Ophelia with the warmth of the sunset in his eyes—she was getting antsy.
Was she really only thinking about the success of her plan?
‘I can’t say for sure.’
Ophelia thought like this very rarely.
About how she didn’t know what she was feeling.
‘I’ve never experienced this before.’
She was someone who knew herself exceptionally well. She had never once experienced any confusion regarding her feelings before, whether it was about where they were coming from or about what she should do to resolve them.
During the time she had fallen in love with Ian, and even during the time she realized that she shouldn’t trust Ian’s love any longer.
And, during the time when she lamented in guilt for Ariel, as she felt that she was slowly dying from the coldness she felt, both from inside and from outside as she lived in a fortress in the north.
Her own feelings were transparent to her, and after confirming what they were, she also knew exactly what had to be done.
That’s why she had been able to make the crucial decision of swallowing a mermaid’s scale, in the same way that she was decisive about leaving the continent as well.
Even through chaos, Ophelia knew the way and where she must go.
Even when she met Ian once again, through agitation and through confusion, her path was always clear.
However this time, she did not know what to do.
‘I don’t even know what I’m feeling.’
Was what she’s feeling towards Alei simply affection? Or perhaps the desire to hold him close because of his competence?
His usefulness, or his warmth and comfort. Which was it that Ophelia loved.
‘Perhaps both.’
Or was it that she loved Alei just for who he was…
After Alei began avoiding Ophelia, the first signs of emptiness always came at night.
Nights where even a handful of shadows left her side.
The fact that there was no one sitting at the desk, raising his head from time to time, checking to see if she was suffering from a nightmare—this was now unfamiliar to her.
Frankly, it should have been more natural to have no one by her side since this had been going on for only a few days until now, but she was surprised by how she felt again.
By how greedy she truly was.
When turning away from the sunrise over the coast’s horizon, she hated the fact that she was facing an empty room.
When turning the pages of what she was reading, she hated the fact that she couldn’t hear the scrawling sound of a quill from across the room.
She hated it—this emptiness that replaced his presence, this futility that filled that emptiness.
If what she hated was simply this emptiness, then she could have called someone else to fill the gap.
It’s strange how she hadn’t thought of this at all.
That was, until one night, Sante knocked on Ophelia’s window after hunting some laffel. Only then did she realize that someone else could enter the abyss that was her room.
For a matter as small as this, why was it that her vision had narrowed this much.
That Alei turned his back on her and acted so coldly towards her, that she would eventually have to get used to his absence—she hated it all.
She did not even want to imagine anyone else filling his spot.
Whenever she would see him talking to other people with a smile on his lips, she usually wrinkled her nose, grimacing.
Ophelia knew exactly what these feelings were called.
Jealousy. Possessiveness.
As she caught up to her train of thought, Ophelia covered her mouth unconsciously, astonished.
‘I want to have him entirely to myself, is that what this is?’
She absolutely wanted to deny it, but Ophelia realized that this was the only explanation for all the confusion she had been experiencing as of late.
Why did she feel Alei’s absence so sharply? Why did she feel so cold?
‘So, it’s because I thought that he regards me as someone special.’
She had deluded herself into thinking that she was a special person to Alei.
Because he looked at her as though he was a sunflower gazing upon the sun, and the emotions he showed to her could be seen only ever so rarely anywhere else.
Because, in many ways, he talked as if he cared about her in a special way.
She had placed such an enormous significance on Alei that she ended up deluding herself.
This was why, without even realizing it herself, he had eventually taken up such an immense space within her heart.
‘Like a fool…’
Alei was a good man—an outstanding man. Unlike Ophelia, who had nothing to show for except her decent peerage, Alei was someone respected by everyone because of his own merit.
Therefore, there was no reason for Alei to regard Ophelia as someone special.
‘It’s possible to be noteworthy. But never special.’
He treated her warmly with such considerateness. But she must only be one of the many people around him that he regarded in this way.
This fact had not let itself known when there was no one else surrounding Alei, but the moment Yennit and Cornelli arrived, it revealed itself.
‘It’s only a matter of fact.’
As natural as a rabbit would graze upon grass, as natural as plums would stain the hem of children’s clothes with the color red after they had mischievously stolen those fruits from a tree, it was only a matter of fact.
But why did it make her feel so sad…
‘Why am I like this?’
Whether she wanted him to think of her as someone special, she didn’t know.
Would it be strange for her to say she missed how it was before Yennit and Cornelli came?
She missed how it was when there was no awkwardness between them, when her days were filled with conversations with him.
When she could hold Alei’s hand and meet his straightforward gaze, when he would unhesitatingly face her even when the turbulent seas could be seen reflected on his countenance—that time.
She had no worries at all, that time.
And yet.
‘What emotion is this, really.’
Would she be able to determine it once they met again and talked?
Of course, if he was still trying to avoid her, it might become difficult for her to hold back her anger.
Even so, she would also be happy once Alei came to see her again.
Usually, whenever she came back to her room, he was there, waiting for her.
She even got angry for not saying anything to her about it.
She wished that there was someone in the room. She wished that she would not be left alone any longer, subject to such vulnerability once again.
With these vague thoughts, Ophelia opened the door.
But then, she had to wonder if someone read her mind.
There really was someone waiting in the room.
“You’re back, Ophelia.”
Like that, Sante’s pale hair fluttered in the wind.
Along with the wind, the sheer curtains fluttered as well, by the window where he was sitting.
As his back was turned to the afternoon sun, his beauty was sure to captivate anyone, regardless of their gender.
With eyes that were slightly, gracefully arched, with a nose bridge that featured a straight angle, and with thin lips that were curved so seductively, it was enough that anyone would be tempted to kiss him right away.
However.
“……”
“Ophelia? Why is your expression like that. Did I make you wait long? Or is there something you’re worried about?”
“…That’s not it.”
Perhaps inwardly bothered by how dampened Ophelia’s expression was, Sante slipped down from the windowsill and walked towards her.
The closer his shadow approached, the more emotional she felt. At this, Ophelia dropped her head and laboriously tried to smile.
What a strange thing she was doing.
At this moment when she did not want to be alone, she was able to meet the most beautiful creature.
Yet here she was, yearning to see someone else?
“Welcome back, Sante…”
Ophelia spoke through her forced smile.
As soon as she saw Sante, that’s when she realized it—what it was that she really wanted.
She thought that she wanted just anyone else to be here inside the room.
No, she wasn’t hoping for just anyone.
From the very beginning, there was only one person she wanted to see.
Him, the man who felt no fright as he faced the deep blue sea and lulled it into slumber as though it was nothing—and, besides that, also eased Ophelia’s anxiety so very easily.
The only one who could save her.
‘Alejandro.’
Really, truly. She missed him so.
* * *
She wondered how she could describe these feelings.
As much as she felt bitter, she missed him. As much as she loved him, she resented him. That turmoil.
‘There’s only one thing I’m certain of.’
The fact that she wished to be reunited with Alei once again.
