Never Saved You - Chapter 103
Chapter 103
Translator: Yonnee
—
As he came to this conclusion, Alei could no longer bear it. His tears, his lamentation—they rushed over him in an instant.
It’s as if his body was a dry haystack as he bent over and staggered back a few steps.
Despair came quieter than it seemed. Just as the trajectory of a grim reaper’s scythe was aimed to slash, it was so sharp and painful.
Even breathing became excruciating. Alei covered the lower half of his face with one hand.
The flames had almost already died down, perhaps through the help of the wind brought on by the sirens’ wings. There should be no trace of the smoke that might have restricted his breathing.
As he inhaled, what pierced his lungs sharply along with the air was regret.
If only he had proceeded with using his magic without caring about the internal injuries he’d suffer, then would this still have happened? No, it might have been better if he just killed Ian outright.
Or, if he didn’t come to this place with his own two feet. If he hadn’t gotten caught. Ophelia wouldn’t have died…
For an endless moment, Alei stood like that with his head down. Until the fire that ravaged the forest was completely extinguished, until the place that was as bright as the day despite being nighttime returned to its original darkness.
By the time he came to his senses, Ian was already gone. He, too, was terribly distraught by Ophelia’s demise.
Before he left, Alei recalled what the other man said, that he would go and look for her remains.
Unsteady on his feet as though he were like windchimes, Alei walked up to the cliff.
The ferocious waves of the black ocean could be seen crashing against the bedrock. The scenery beneath the steep cliff was vicious.
As Ian said, Ophelia was an ordinary human being. She wouldn’t have survived the fall.
And once again, the realization came.
‘Ophelia is dead.’
Every time his eyes closed and opened once more, he felt the unfamiliar sensation of tears flowing down and wetting his cheeks, then drying up when left alone.
It didn’t feel like these burning eyes were his.
This was because there’s a wide gap between logic and emotion. With his rationality adrift, his mind grew dark.
This mage could do anything in the world, even cutting through the sea was possible for him. And yet with the death of only one person, he lay arrested to one spot without the ability to lift even a single finger.
While standing there, tens of thousands of thoughts passed through his mind.
From thinking about wading through the waters below, to thinking of the possibility of still being able to save Ophelia’s body. And—
‘Is there not a way to turn back time?’
—to this extent.
Perhaps because, for the longest time now, he’d been living amidst a group of individuals who made the impossible possible. However, Alei continued trying to break through to this situation rather than facing the reality that was so terribly difficult to accept.
As his mind had lost any semblance of rationality, his thoughts continued to grow as though they were vines stretching out from him.
‘There’s a spell to restore things back to their original state.’
It was a reversal spell.
Turning an object back to its original state required the remembrance of that object in its original state. So, in a way, it was like tracing memories of the past in order to return to that form.
As with all types of magic, drawing up the formula would of course require setting the range.
But what if that part was taken out of the formula?
‘Turning back time just might be possible.’
If the range were to be left undefined, then the spell would spread out with the mage at the center.
That magic would spread to the extent that the mage could allow. One example of this was Cornelli’s alchemy.
It was when he did that experiment where he turned glass into sand.
At that time, each and every piece of the glass inside the magic tower turned into sand because Cornelli didn’t set the range, so his formula went wrong.
The spell was spread out only until the extent of the magic tower because his power was limited. But on the other hand, Alei’s mana reserves were as deep as the vast blue ocean.
So, spreading out his mana to the entire world and turning back time was also, in theory, possible.
This would be nothing short of a divine act of God, and it would break the unwritten rules of magic. However, Alei was willing to do anything just to bring Ophelia back.
‘I don’t know how much time I can turn back, but I have to start quickly because even one second counts.’
As long as he had set his mind to the task, the success rate could be raised higher, even a little, if he were to begin right away.
Yet, he could not lift one finger to start the spell.
There was one reason.
And that’s because Ophelia’s words held him back.
The words that Asello had, albeit unknowingly, uttered were constantly circling through his mind.
—Ophelia thinks that you’re nothing more than strangers to each other.
It was after saying this that Ophelia let go of Alei.
Even if I die, this is also my choice. You have to live your own life.
Do not let my death chain you down. There is nothing between us now.
Alei remembered the times when he’d wake up in the morning, seeing her endless gaze look over to the horizon out the window. Emptiness tinged her expression, and it was a void that he knew he couldn’t get close to.
He had always been aware about the distance between him and Ophelia.
And he also knew that he could never narrow it down, that the futility she felt was something Alei had no right to broach.
Ophelia had always been an odd person. It felt as if she was ready to give up all of her heart, but then it also felt like she was still hiding one part of her just to herself.
Even as she whispered that he was the only one who could save her, Alei could instinctively feel that there was one secret she held close to her, never letting go.
‘I thought it’s because you don’t trust me.’
Or, perhaps it was Ophelia’s final line of defense, as she had already once been burned by others.
It was natural that everyone had something they wanted to hide, so Alei understood her. He made up his mind about not being too saddened by the distance left between them.
But as it all came down to this point, Alei now realized the reason behind that distance.
The emptiness that never left her side, that distance between them. It was not to protect herself.
Ophelia already knew. That if Alei were to find out about the abyss she was trapped in, he would never stop trying to get her out.
And, certainly, it was a final line of defense. But not for her—it was to protect Alei.
So that Alei wouldn’t fall too deep, so that he wouldn’t think that her actions would be his fault.
She constantly had her guards up.
Rather than to risk anything, Ophelia chose to leave his side and embrace solitude.
Perhaps this was only a matter of course. She always bore in mind the tragedy that might befall him…
“Ah.”
It was a relationship where, from the very beginning, she was prepared to let go.
What on earth was Ophelia thinking whenever she still smiled as she faced him? What could she be thinking as she spent those many sleepless nights with him?
As he knew nothing, as he had not the slightest clue that she would let go of his hand, he was left behind. To what extent had she foreseen the future?
‘I wish I never came to understand her.’
Regrets would settle in only after the tragedy had happened. If only he didn’t know her so well. If only he didn’t understand her so deeply.
If it was like that, as she had already left his side, perhaps he wouldn’t have allowed her to let go.
He would have tried to hold her back, even if he had to turn back time.
Alei knew himself well, exactly how depraved he was. Exactly how weak he was.
He was, at the essence of it all, the same kind of man Ian was. Unable to rid himself of his nihilism, a mere shell that pretended to be human.
Ian used Ophelia and regarded her as his lighthouse.
And Alei was the same.
That’s why Alei would have clung to Ophelia’s skirt and begged her not to go.
If only he did not understand her.
If only he did not know how she trapped herself in solitude for the sake of the people around her.
If only he did not know the truth about how she, alone, chose to do this…
‘How the hell.’
How the hell could she be so kind, so altruistic. How the hell did she live like that in such a place where no one respected her?
Alei could not turn back time. In the end, this was the path that Ophelia had chosen.
If the only reason for bringing her back was because he couldn’t stand living the rest of his life without her, then no. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t trample on the choice she made.
He had all the power in the world, and yet how appalling it was that he couldn’t use any of it.
And the most terrible fact was that he had to continue living for the rest of his life despite witnessing Ophelia’s death.
It was her wish, for him to live on…
“Ugh!”
At that moment, a terrible headache struck him. Alei staggered back a few steps. When the sharp pain came, it felt as though he was drifting.
This was a familiar sensation to him. Because this was what he felt every time his forgotten memories would come back to him.
‘Of all times, why now.’
He was already suffering so much from internal injuries, but why was it that his memories were coming back at this very moment.
As he staggered back, wincing at the pain, an unfamiliar conversation passed through his mind.
—…Repeat what you said just now. About Grand Duchess Ronen. What did you say?
—She is comatose.
