Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich - Chapter 34

Chapter 34: Judgement
Translator: StarveCleric Editor: StarveCleric

As the top organization of the judiciary system of Sulfur Mountain City, the Supreme Court was normally shrouded in a quiet and serious atmosphere. Just like the teachings carved on the wall of the hall ‘Properly attired, upholding the law strictly and diligently, talk less and work carefully’. What it meant was for those working within the legal system to have a serious expression, use simple and concise language and work swift and effectively. Thus, they were looked upon well by the citizens. But, the situation was slightly different today.
The silent corridors were now rowdy and filled with arguments. The ‘prisoners’ who were carrying metal chains waiting for their hearing filled all of the cells. Even the empty field was crowded with people.
At the corner of the field, a giant goblin robot man reduced to a lump of useless metal. Or rather, considering that it occupied almost half the area of the field, it should be called a metal jungle or a metal junkyard. 1
Next to it, a group of Goblins and Dwarves surrounding it, crying. There were even goblins who started dancing their Hip Dance passed down by their ancestors (also known as a tropical culture belly dance), as though treating this robot man as one of their family members, sending it off.
But on the outer perimeter, the numerous affected by the disaster weren’t in the mood to appreciate this ‘passionate dance’ that was filled with foreign culture. Following Sulfur Mountain’s traditions, they used tomatoes and smelly eggs to welcome these trouble-making engineers. Of course, beside the enraged citizens were goblin merchants who sold quite a bit of ‘ammo’.
The guards of the Supreme Court were too busy running about to bother about these small things.
Since the Watch Room and Town Security Headquarters were completely destroyed, there was a lack of space to house the suspects. If Sulfur Mountain City Jail had still been in its perfect state, they could be transferred over. But due to the aftereffects of the previous jail raid, a portion of lightly-sentenced criminals were transferred over to the Watch Room. This time, all of them had to be moved away, so only the Supreme Court was left.
The 4 Halls of the Supreme Court were already on the move but manpower appeared to still be lacking.
Sounds of shouting, crying, being pursued then beat up and pleas to be spared had converted this somber and silent hall of justice into a market full of haggling.
At the same time, the me, who frowned and tried my best to ignore the racket outside, ultimately failing, could only order the guards to seal the doors and windows completely and pull down the blinds to allow the court hearing in a silent environment.
Yes, court hearing.
My plan to escape during the night, oh…. no, I meant emergency dispatch plan was heartlessly refused by Elisa from the very start.
Sulfur Mountain City could do without Lich Roland, but if the one who was on his way to becoming the 4th Head after the miraculous rescue, Sulfur Mountain’s king behind the veils, the Supreme Judge Wumianzhe, were to disappear suddenly, I’m afraid the outcome might even be more serious than the effects of an earthquake.
More importantly, the other people were totally unprepared. Even the documents for diplomacy weren’t prepared yet. It would only turn into a scene if I were to work individually.
However, if I were to remain here in my capacity as Roland, I could start to count exactly how many bones would be left of me the next day. I believe that the Town Security whose home had been crushed definitely would not have the patience to listen to my explanation. In fact, blowing me up to make soup could already be considered a merciful act.
I have committed so many deeds that I wouldn’t be able to complain if the victim were to use my bones to make soup, but I really was innocent this time. I was just randomly shooting my mouth in anticipation of explosions and firework. Who could have expected that they would come up with that toy… Thinking about that 20-meter tall iron giant, I shivered uncontrollably.
A simplified version of a metal Titan? A monster-killing machine that was enough to defeat a Legend-rank? It appeared like they really accidentally managed to create an incredible machine.
Of course, the other side effect of Roland No.2 being strong was that a huge price needed to be paid to deal with it. That made the crime of the mastermind, Roland, even heavier.
Thus, I could only end up allowing the Town Security to watch the scene of ‘Lich Roland fleeing on a Bone Dragon across half of the city’ until he escaped from Sulfur Mountain City… At least, until I managed to prove my innocence, Lich Roland was not coming back.
In this instant, I met with my first trouble, which was right in front of me now… This case was way beyond the capability of any other judge, so I ended up stepping up to the task.
On the Judge stand in the 3rd Court, I glanced at the crime reports that were stacked like a mini hill, then glance at the defendants with a ‘look of pity’. On the Plaintiff Stand, the agitated Town Security were shouting ‘accursed Roland’, ‘just wait for the day I feed you to my dogs’, ‘Lord Wumianzhe, please give us the authority to directly draw our swords and deliver the verdict. I will cut him into 13 pieces and bring him back’ and ‘Momo doesn’t care about his deal with the legal system, please allow Momo to assemble a team to raid his house. There’s bound to be tons of banned goods in his house and after we sentence him to life imprisonment, Momo is going to give him first-class treatment. Haha haha!!’. Hearing the frenzied laughter of these homeless Dark Elves, my head started to hurt.
On one side, Prosecutor Katarina was currently reading out the public complaints to amass evidence…
“4.20 in the afternoon, smoke suddenly rose up from the Watch Room. Then, making use of the chaos, the engineers from the outside came into contact with the rest from the Watch Room. Both parties were equipped with engineering equipment from the start to the end…” 2
“Objection! Since smoke was rising up, what evidence do you have to infer that my client was equipped!! My client could have been making use of the smoke to cook their lunch instead.”
The goblin Prosecutor Roren interrupted the words of his colleague and proposed an extremely absurd idea.
“That’s right, we were only barbecuing sweet potato and smoking fish.” The defendant’s side started clamoring. Goblins and Dwarves had an innate passion for jeering.
“Only man-eating fishes can be found in the river of Sulfur Mountain City, where could you find fish to barbecue?! Also, going by those pathetic fishing skills of yours, you don’t have to dream of succeeding your entire life.” Katarina roared in anger. As expected from a Female Hunter from the Amazon Tribe. Her golden ponytail swayed along with the wind and her aura was as sharp as a dagger, making her reminiscent of a War Goddess on a hunt. But, what she was concerned about was slightly off the target…
“No, as long as the correct method is used, man-eating fish also can be caught. We had Parker’s fishing rod…”
I finally understood why goblin Roren, despite being highly skilled in prosecuting, decided to defend his own race. This fellow was obviously making a fool of things. Furthermore, being familiar with the act of prosecuting, he knew that Prosecutor Katarina liked to stay factual, making it easy for her to be led to a dead end. Then, if he were to make a foolery of the court, then this judgement would be inconclusive…
In previous instances, it wouldn’t be a big deal to let a hearing end up as a farce but this time, for specific reasons, it definitely could not be allowed!
I couldn’t let it go down like this. If the goblins were proven innocent, then Lich Roland would have to be the scapegoat for all of the blame.
Looking at the Town Security Elves who were angered to the point they were on the verge of biting their tables, I made up my mind to make those sinners pay the price… Let the metal plate bitten apart be my witness, my bones were definitely not as hard as the metal plate.
“Roren Goldcoin, may I ask you where YOU were at 4.20 in the afternoon yesterday? Don’t bother lying, you should know the consequences of lying in my court.”
As expected, the moment I asked this question, the impromptu Defence Attorney who had just been talking so passionately, instantly became speechless.
I touched my forehead in frustration, portraying an image that there was nothing I could do about it. In reality, a beautiful smile was blooming under my mask.
Easy peasy. I knew that that rascal wouldn’t stay at home obediently. Now’s his turn to take the blame for me.
“Roren Goldcoin, to violate the law despite being a part of the judiciary, you have really put the Supreme Court to shame. Now, obediently shut your mouth and sit down at the Defendant Stand. Right, apologise to those Dark Elf ladies first, look at the harm you brought upon them.”
Hearing my words, Roren removed his mask, symbolizing stripping himself of the identity as a member of the judiciary. After apologizing with a lowered head, he sat down obediently like a small kid on the Defendant stand together with his brethren.
“Right, who here can tell me where Suicestorm is? I dare use my knee to guarantee that the fellow was definitely involved too. You don’t know him? Suicidestorm from the Hall of Legislator. That short one…”
“It’s MAGICstorm!!” A sharp child-like voice unique to Dwarves echoed from the Spectator Stand. Miheuer Magicstorm jumped over the barrier and walked to the Defendant Stand.
I secretly praised how heroic this fellow was but after walking halfway, I saw him turning back to say something.
“Since we have committed the crime, then we should be punished. What are you all waiting for?!”
Afterwards… A messy bunch of them came forward… There were Goblins, Dwarves and even Humans together with other races, totaling up to around 30 to 40 people. Probably, all of the engineers of Sulfur Mountain City were gathered here.
Looks like none of those engineers expected that the incident would be blown so big, so they all came to confess obediently.
Shaking my head, I looked helplessly at the empty Defence Attorney Stand.
“I don’t think it would have been possible to find a suitable defence attorney in such a short period of time so all of just try to defend yourselves. Eaglestorm, tell me, why, even though you all shouldn’t be involved in the matter whatsoever, why have you all appeared on the scene?”
“Those evil engineers are enemies of nature. Chirp chirp, that unnatural creation made of a black-color cursed material (Human-made iron giant), the twisted being that roared and spun was an existence that desecrated nature (That being was a wood felling machine, of course it was an enemy of nature), woof woof, so as the sons of nature, we had to cleanse this cursed land (So we wanted to get rid of him)…”
While trying my best tolerating his weird accents, the middle of his sentences were filled with a few weird callings of the animals. At the start, I was still trying to translate it into human language but looking at the equally confused spectators, I finally snapped.
“Speak human language! Otherwise I shall lock you up with Beifeng Herault!! 1
The dracon Beifeng’s hobbies were already well-known all over Sulfur Mountain City. His evil actions of catching Druids and treating them as pets made people feel even more shock. To the victims and their Druid brethren, that man was as good as the very incarnation of fear.
“He seemed to have actually forgotten that he was once a man, and thinks that he really is a dog! Chasing his own tail every day! What exactly did that dracon do to him!!”
‘Dracon of Ultimate Evil’, ‘Nemesis of Druids’ Beifeng Herault, that was how all the Druids in Sulfur Mountain City called him… Even the Great Druid Eaglestorm, upon hearing this name, instinctively trembled.
“We saw the metal giant and it really went too much against our teachings. My brothers suggested that we should beat him up and I thought it over. I felt that we should really beat him up, going by the book that my grandfather left behind. So, we went to beat him up, hehe.”
Looking at the Great Druid who was still laughing simple-mindedly, I… I was speechless. He was really direct this time. But, looking at that dumb face, I couldn’t help but want to punch him.
Calm down, calm down! Reputation, I needed to uphold my reputation, this wasn’t the first time that these fellows weren’t being reliable, so I shouldn’t get angry with them… Cough, fine, then the next matter. The Holy Knight army who suddenly joined in the fight.
“Tim, I can already roughly guess what the lot of you did…”
“My Lord, please look into it. We were only fulfilling the duties and responsibilities of a Holy Knight.”
“Un, looking at that huge machine destroying a portion of the city wall, you all shouted ‘ O Holy Light, that sinner is worth a fight’, ‘For the Holy Light, charge’, and then charged towards it? Then, you casually destroyed another 2 parts of the city wall and over 30 houses?” 5
Alright, I could understand that they were dispirited since their original opportunities at performing ‘chivalric acts’ had been stolen by the judicial system and it really was a hard-found opportunity for them to finally act, so they immderdialy got into their top gear but…
“I’m only halfway through. Why aren’t you explaining how you ended up fighting with the Druids? Do you really think I don’t know that you have a grudge with Eaglestorm after the last nude running incident? Later, remember to send the reparation bill slips to old Bill. I hope that his stomach is feeling better, it was quite scary that he vomited blood previously. Un, the bill this time will be tripled, so that maybe you all can finally learn your lesson.”
Ignoring Tim who looked like the sky had fallen down, I turned my gaze towards an uneasy young man.
“Lucas, you have just converted from a Holy Knight to a Justice Knight, so why did you incite the other students from Nanxiang to also cause troubles? You even specially picked your ex-comrades to beat up, don’t you know that for a law enforcer who should be proficient in the law, to break the laws, your crime is considered much worse?”
I had great expectations for this young man so I was curious why, even though they were sent out to save the civilians, how it ended up in a group fight between Holy Knights and Justice Knights. If I didn’t remember wrongly, Lucas and Tim should be considered quite close.
“I… I don’t have a problem with big brother Tim and big brother has always been very caring towards us. However, other than big brother’s Third Order, the Holy Church’s First Order actually came as well. They intended to play the part of the hero to seduce girls, so I lost control of myself… ”
Other people had looks of confusion on their face but I immediately got what he was saying.
The First Order of the Holy Church in every district was also known as the Ceremonial Order. Rather than Holy Knights trained for combat, they were more like handsome guys used for social event and ceremonial purposes.
The First Order only had one mission, to associate with the local nobility and merchants for donations as sexy (rich) ladies tended to be more generous with their money…
So, the members of the First Order were carefully picked out. Un, the requirements were that they had to have a good face, be skilled in the use of diplomatic language so that if they could accidentally make the noble ladies happy, the donations would naturally be more. 1
So, while the other teams were busy fighting evil, the First Order was busy attending balls and dealing with rich ladies. While the other teams were training under the hot sun, the First Order was in the secret chamber doing group facial… Furthermore, to uphold their image, the maintenance of the steeds and armors of the First Order was sponsored by the Church. This difference in treatment naturally resulted in the image of the First Order to be terrible in the eyes of their other Holy Knights brethren, but I’d have to say…
“Doing facials was expensive and the money came from our own pocket, you know. Furthermore, when we attended balls, it felt terrible to have to maintain your image despite being forced to drink to the point of wanting to puke! Did you bastards really think all those rich ladies were ALL beautiful like flowers? In reality, a large portion of them looked more like pigs! Even though these oily trotters were disgusting, we had to tolerate it. If we were to accidentally chop down on them, it would became a diplomatic problem, you know!
Most importantly… Don’t just look at how they were surrounded by women. In reality, the First Order, to attract the fancy of rich ladies for more donations, they weren’t allowed to fall in love and still had to recite their lines every day, practice the art of being cool and try their best to act like a love saint. Even if he met a hard-to-come-by good woman, he could only watch her and not eat her!! This kind of emotion felt even worse than failing to court her you know!!”
Alright, I didn’t verbally say out the complaints above… But looks like I accidentally spilled some of my dark history… Cough, when I was still a Page1, I had been part of the First Order. Despite hanging out with the main fighting teams afterwards, but it took me more than a year to kick away those odd habits.
“Don’t blame this little brother over here, we all understand, we all understand.” The leader of the First Order Muln who was rubbing his hands together was a blonde handsome guy. Not to mention, he instinctively flung his hair and shot a seducing gaze to the sides.
While disgusting men, there were several women who shouted ‘so handsome’. I sent a look of sympathy towards him.
59th Art of Head Flinging, 63rd Art of Seductive Gaze, looks like the church hadn’t really changed much these days. Seeing by how experienced he was, it should be a big hottie-level seductive gaze. In order to maintain his skill, he had to at least practice it 300 times a day… He probably couldn’t even speak normally anymore and would habitually send seductive gazes to guys as well. He really was at the bottom of the pit for being pitiful… 1
Thus, I spoke seriously to Lucas.
“Apologize to Captain Muln now. This instant. Hurry up!”
“It’s alright, it’s alright. Little brother, we are all comrades under the same Order faction!” While saying these words, Muln’s eyes were still scanning, as though looking for a target in the Spectator Stand. Then, he habitually sent seductive gazes all around.
As a senior and someone who went through the same thing, I knew that this was the instinct to ‘find food’ that they were forced to hone. However, in the young Lucas’s eyes, it was a look as if he wasn’t taking him seriously.
“I… I definitely won’t apologies!! Even if I won’t be allowed to reamin Justice Knight, I… I won’t be a human if I do! I would rather go to the Undead District and convert into Black Knight!!”
It had been difficult for him to find a new faith but when he realized that he still had to lower his head to his sworn enemy of the past, this young man was unable to handle the cruel truth and tears started flowing… But, he seemed to be unaware that there were no Dark Knights in the Undead District, only Death Knights…
Cough, alright, back to the main topic at hand. At this point, things were quite clear now.
From the very start, the engineers created a gigantic robot man. Then, the Town Security came to apprehend them, but they ended suppressed by the huge physique of the robot giant. Afterwards, the Druids joined into the battle, followed by the Holy Knights who came to rid evil. At the same time, Tim made use of the chaos to settle his scores with Eaglestorm, so the Druid started fighting with the Holy Knights.
Further down, the Nanxiang Justice Knight internally thought that the First Order, who had come down as support, were making use of this opportunity to flirt with girls, so they also made use of the chaos to attack them… This really was a huge chaotic mess. In the end, no one even bothered about that robot anymore. Everyone fought their own battles, they were obviously using it as an opportunity to settle their private grudges.
If I were to really punish them, then a few thousand people would need to be locked up at once… Looking at the situation of our Jail and Watch Room which were still rubble, and in consideration of the fact that there were no casualties… This incident really was nothing more than an unintentional accident.
“Pah!”
Thus, I resolutely knocked my gavel down.
“Court temporarily put on hold, all of the accused will be released temporarily. Before getting approval from the Supreme Court, suspects are not allowed to leave Sulfur Mountain City. The reparation fees for the destruction will be equally split among those who joined in and were involved in the fight. At the same time, the judiciary system will hasten the repairs for the Jail and Watch Room. As soon as the mastermind, Lich Roland, will be found, the court hearing will resume.”
Fine, everything ended up as Lich Roland’s fault… Looking at the indignant Town Security who had been on the verge of doing something, it seemed like they intend to apprehend Roland personally.
“Looks like Roland isn’t coming back any time soon… Elisa, do you think Robin or Robert sounds better? 1
“…” Alright, after the incident yesterday, she was in still the midst of ignoring me…
However, this judgement had caused me to make up my mind.
“If I’m not here, these fellows are only going to cause more chaos! Then, the ambassador party has been decided! I will bring along these living treasures and at the same time, fix Roland No.2 to thoroughly flip the Underground Alliance upside down!!”
CREATORS’ THOUGHTS
StarveCleric StarveCleric
Reedited by Devils_Advocate