Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich - Chapter 30

Chapter 30: The Entrusted
Translator: StarveCleric Editor: StarveCleric

Explode a public bath? Steal the clothes in a shop’s changing room? Summon a corrosive acidic rain? Perhaps I should just directly splash dirty water on passerby?
I wouldn’t do any of those stated above. Not mentioning that these were all against the law, they went against my principle of trying my best not to involve the innocent. Un, emphasis on ‘trying’ my best…
I had a much better idea! And it was completely legal!
After all, there are quite some perverts in this town and I don’t have a reason to commit the crime personally…
Sulfur Mountain Cty Wild Druid Alliance Branch, simplified as Wild Bull Alliance, was a moderate Druid organization. Un1, just moderate in comparison. In many places, Druids were synonymous with terrorist organizations and a bunch of trouble.
Why? In the eyes of the public, shouldn’t Druids be considered environmentally friendly? The sons of the jungle, coexisting harmoniously with nature, with an absence of desires while being self-sufficient.
However, I must say that those who use those words to define them were people who had yet to come into direct contact with Druids.
As most people should know, Druids worshipped the nature. To simplify it, anything that was natural was good and anything that was man-made was bad.
The Druids who followed the original teachings detested everything that was man-made. They viewed metallic tools as the enemy of nature, needless to list engineers or any product of modern industries. They even viewed cities as a cage made of metal and concrete. In their ideals, it was best for that kind of culture to come to an end and for everyone to return to living like in primitive societies.
In the world I lived in previously, these kinds of organizations had also existed. To protect nature, they killed poachers and destroyed factories. Looking at it from certain perspectives, there was little to no difference from terrorist organizations.
The Druids who were able to interact peacefully with other life could roughly be considered the moderate faction and the Wild Bull Alliance was the most moderate faction amongst the moderate factions. Otherwise, Sulfur Mountain City wouldn’t allow for their existence here.
Alright, even on the continent of Eich, people still hoped that their life would get better by the days rather than becoming more and more primitive. This kind of an ideal and teaching wasn’t suited for life in normal societies. Fortunately, there wasn’t a lack of normal people amongst the Druids as well. There were always people who wanted to eat delicious foods rather than furry blood-stained ones. Thus, their internal structures were constantly re-organizing and breaking apart.
‘We only oppose excessive logging (Of course, we also reject mining. But, it’s only a verbal rejection, we won’t stop it physically)’ or ‘We only oppose the hunting of whales. (We also reject the hunting of dolphins and sea lions! We don’t protect crabs and as for sea horses, we still need to hold a meeting on Tuesday to discuss over it)’. This kind of moderate faction, in actuality, was only using these public outcrys of their opinions to reject certain actions to retain their identity and the teachings of Druids. In fact, they weren’t much different from normal people.
As for the most moderate faction amongst the moderate factions, the Wild Bull Alliance only rejected one man-made object and was known as the role model to the harmonious coexistence between the Druid and Human society.
But, it was a pity that the man-made object that they rejected was too unique, resulting in their faction being unable to expand for a long time… Well, not everyone had the courage to remove that man-made object.
Alright, now that I had gotten to this point, everyone should be able to guess what man-made product they objected.
Yes, they reject clothes…
Right, their teachings preached that ‘the physical body was the most perfect creation of nature and that clothes were a sin. Even more so, we, Druids, are the incarnation of nature and should not be, in the least, clothed, so that we can show our naturally perfect and wild physical body.’
The ‘Sulfur Mountain City Wild Druid Alliance Branch’ was initially named ‘Only Wild Body is Natural Beauty, Druids That Wear Clothes Are Cultists and Heresy Alliance’. Such a ‘gentleman1’-like man, it was impossible that I would allow it to be registered with Sulfur Mountain City. Thus, after several edits, it became the Wild Bull Alliance that I could reluctantly accept.
Even so, they were still an organization that everyone wanted to beat up and their reputation was even worse than the Gentleman Alliance that I was part of. After all, not everyone could accept the sight of a bunch of nude men rushing past them when they were busy… Cough cough, it’s plain disgusting just thinking about it. I knew that I should have chased them out.
Yet, in consideration of the diverse population living here, I hadn’t written any law that marked ‘soiling society’s culture’ as a crime from the start. After all, the lifestyles of each tribe and race were vastly different, thus it was easy for misunderstandings to arise. For example, Taurens had the habit to drink breast milk at any time which, in the view of other tribes, was obscene in public.
Also, according to the codex, perversion could only be seen as a problem in the morals and the brain, using the law to deal with this seemed a bit overboard. So, there was no reason for me to refuse them moving to the city.
Of course, I had regretted my decision quite quickly. After successfully registering and moving in, there wasn’t a single moment in which they weren’t plotting to spread their teachings to the citizen to expand their influence. This caused a splitting headache for the enforcers and judiciary. To be more direct, they would secretly organize group nude runs and wasted my manpower.
Against these entirely nude fellows, normal enforcers really couldn’t handle them. Directly start a fight with them? Illegal, since the other party didn’t break the law and if we tried berating them, it only gave them a chance instead to spread their teachings.
“Ha, we are the most primitive beauty. Mother Nature created us nude, so what is there to be ashamed about…”
Many different twisted logics were incorporated within and the main problem was that their argument wasn’t weak. Furthermore, their leader was a Legend-rank Great Druid who was difficult to deal with.
Fortunately, after the Dark Elf Town Security started taking on the role as enforcers, their arrogance took a giant hit.
“…You dare to show this tiny furry worm around. Furthermore, it isn’t shaved. You sure are courageous.”
“Wahhh, that fellow has such an ugly birthmark on his ass. His legs are also asymmetrical. Despite being naturally deformed, you still dare to run nude. You are really too brave, too shameless…”
“Inferior underground creature, get away from me! You are too smelly. How long have you not bathed for? Barbarian!”
“Don’t cry, Momo actually sympathizes with you. Heehee, even though it is indeed quite small, not even half the length of Momo’s whip. Cough! Un, it’s not that small, hee, so please continue to try hard living on. Someone might like it! Un, there’s sure to be someone who likes it. Hahaha, Momo can’t control herself anymore!”
For a man, for him to be despised in this aspect was indeed quite unbearable. For the one despising to be a pretty lady, that only made it double the pain.
Surrounded and criticized by a bunch of sturdy Dark Elf ladies who came from a feminist clan, the Wild Bull Alliance who had their will shattered almost disbanded on the spot. Even the powerful Legend-rank Druid Eaglestorm almost tried to drown himself in the river…
After this incident, the Dark Elf Town Security became the weakness of the Wild Bull Alliance. Every activity that they organized was carefully planned to avoid areas where the Town Security could appear.
Back to present time, I was writing an extremely long and boring speech for Elisa to read out on my behalf in my law robe. Attendance was compulsory for all law enforcers (including the Town Security) so that they could learn from it. That speech… was so boring that I, myself, might fall asleep. Furthermore, it would take at least 3 hours to finish it and the most shameless thing, I requested for everyone to jot down notes that would be submitted afterwards so that I could track the progress of their learning. If they weren’t serious, their wages would be deducted.
Fine, it was obviously a kind of torture… I had finally vented my frustration from being constantly vexed by my heavy workload. I am too evil, oh yeah! 2
Hehe, now, I only needed that old bull Xueti to pass the message that the Town Security was busy to the Wild Bull Alliance. Naturally, they would definitely organize a group activity. When the Town Security finally walked out giddy-headed from the hall, the activities of the Wild Bull Alliance would would be long over.
However, as I wasn’t too fond of the Wild Bull Alliance, there were some discrepancies in the notified timings and the actual timings. It was around 1 hour. So, before they could swiftly escape, they would get caught red-handed by the Town Security and take a heavy mental blow from them. Then, they would require 1 or 2 months of peace to lick their wounds…
That being said, does anyone still think daily quests were easy? You still had to plan it out meticulously. But, it was finally time to reap the rewards. Sit back and enjoy the show.
“Pu!”
“Pu!”
Sitting in a cafe that allowed for the entire view of the large square, I ignored the naked men who just ran by as I glanced at the unlucky fellow who just spat out the coffee in his mouth. While happily flipping my newspaper, I enjoyed the havoc in front of me with my peripheral vision.
“The Black brothers have always resolutely supported Lord Annie Layde as the core of the second generation… Looks like the boss of the Thief Guild of this generation is still quite smart. Then, I will let them go for now.”
“Pu!”
Alright, looks like I was celebrating too early. Elisa, who sat opposite of me, spat out her coffee towards me, leaving my head dripping wet.
“Elisa, you did this intentionally!!”
“I’m sorry!! It really was an accident, master.” The half-demon maid hurriedly pulled out a handkerchief to wipe me dry but…
“Wait a minute!! Why are you here? Didn’t I ask you to conduct the speech for me? You…”
“I did intend to do the speech in your place, but when the proposal for the speech had reached the Hall of Legislator for approval, Sister Lilith told me that since it was a lesson for the Hall of Prosecution internally, it was a little too much for the Supreme Judge to do it personally. It would be enough to leave it to the Head of the Hall of Prosecution to do it himself.”
“Oh!” Hearing that, I calmed down. As long as I could keep the Town Security occupied, it was fine that I left the task to Xueti. But suddenly, I sensed some strange vibes from Elisa sitting opposite of me.
“What? You feel embarrassed? Hehe, no matter how vicious your tongue normally is, you are still a woman after all. Scared by a bunch of nude guys running? Relax, I know you didn’t do it intentionally so if you’re embarrassed, you can head back first and wait for my great harvest today!”
I smiled gleefully but Elisa shook her head with the word ‘pity’ all over it.
“…Master, the reason why I am acting strange… please look behind you.”
“Behind?”
Turning around, it was indeed the scene of demons prancing around. The sharp-nosed Eaglestorm and Xueti were holding hands, jumping and singing at the same time as they surrounded 2 Holy Knights who were hugging each other, shivering.
Surrounded by a bunch of dancing naked men, I guess it was a first even for the Holy Knights.
Even worse, someone was beginning to strip them of their clothes so that they could join their tour…
“That… Aren’t those Tim and Lucas? They are really pitiful, to meet with these perverts… I hope they don’t leave behind any mental scars. They are already unlucky enough, being a Leftover Knight.”
Of course I hadn’t forgotten about those 2 dumbass Holy Knights. I haven’t had the chance to settle the score with them over destroying my Ferris Wheel yet. But, since they have already met with such misfortune, and my mood was fine today, so I guess I should stop looking for a chance to get even and let bygones be bygones.
“Wait, this isn’t right! What is XUETI doing here?!?!”
My question only received a look of sympathy. Elisa coughed lightly and imitated a familiar voice.
“Lord Silver Rose, please don’t help Lord Wumianzhe by filling in for him. Even though your imitation are nearly perfect from the original, but if someone were to find out, it would affect the reputation of our judiciary. Right, please tell Lord Wumianzhe by the way that the Head of the Hall of Enforcement, Lord Guardian of Steel Xueti cannot be found anywhere. The speech will be postponed to 2.30 in the afternoon tomorrow. Tell him to join in, if he’s interested.”
The way Elisa imitated Lilith’s voice was incredibly skillful but I didn’t have the free time to be immersing myself in the enjoyment of art…
“So the speech had been delayed? So the Town Security should be currently at work as per normal and could appear anytime!!!”
“Bastard!! It’s you perverts again! Holy Light, no, Law, grant me power! Incantation of Law: Judgement!”
It was a scene of utter chaos behind me. The sudden appearance of the Town Security caught the Wild Druid Alliance and Xueti by surprise. Immediately, they thought that they were had.
“Bastard Roland, betraying your brothers again. This old bull is never going to let you off!!”
The roaring old bull, who was ignorant to the situation, assumed that the Lich had set him up, oblivious to the fact that he was the one who had ruined the plan. He raised his head and roared towards the heavens, as though as he had been put through some great grievance.
“Damn, it isn’t safe here.”
I threw 2 gold coins as newspaper fee and turned around to left the shop. But, at the entrance of the cafe, 2 Elves were smiling straight at me.
“Hello mastermind in the shadows. As expected, it’s you again.”
One of them was Captain Diana of the Town Security. The other one was Vice-Captain Yawen and right beside her feet was the heavy and bulky Dragon Saber.
She was born with a total immunity to mind-related magic, which was the main reason why I passed this demonic saber, which drove its user into a frenzy, to the Town Security. But, at this moment, I couldn’t feel glad for being able to find a suitable owner for the demonic saber. Rather, I was frustrated with how I managed to shoot myself in the foot once again.
Looking back, Elisa had disappeared without a trace as expected. The half-demon’s talent in travelling through sub-dimensions was really first-class, allowing that cold-hearted demon to abandon her comrades decisively. In this instant, I, who was half a beat too slow to react, had my surroundings filled up with a sub-dimension anchor, making it impossible to escape through spatial magic.
Thus, after a long laughter, I raised both of my hands and…
…Squatted down while hugging my head.
“Don’t hit my face!! I still want to go matchmaking to find a wife!” 1
—————
Just as I was enjoying the warm reception from the Town Security beauties, I heard the familiar voice of Elisa beside my ear.
“Master, didn’t I tell you yesterday that this quest requires some help from others?”
“Hm!? Stop talking and save me!!”
“…Actually, I didn’t mean for you to look for those Druids. You could have totally looked for those old comrades of yours in the Undead District. Zombies, Skeleton Soldiers, Butchers and Bone Dragons, they are all naked to begin with and you could have brought them to the street until daylight. If you had done that, the quest would have been a huge success!”
I could still clearly picture the young lady, who had sat before me, secretly laughing gleefully on the inside, while on the surface portraying a straight face full of confusion, acting innocently…
“Elisa!! You tricked me!!”
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CREATORS’ THOUGHTS
StarveCleric StarveCleric
Reedited by Devils_Advocate