Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich - Chapter 26

Chapter 26: The Pitiful Holy Knights
Translator: StarveCleric Editor: StarveCleric

(Devil Note; For the most part this chapter reads as if from the POV of a Holy Knight) 3
15 years ago, when I was studying in the Basic Warrior Academy, I was the pride of my parents and teachers. Whenever the villagers in my hometown saw me, they would lament ‘Why are the children of other families so outstanding?’
When I was 10, I had already grasped over 10 types of basic fighting techniques and had successfully advanced into the Iron-rank. I became the pride of the school, a future hero of humanity. I was always surrounded by cute female juniors. Walking around school, I would ‘accidentally’ display my talents in front of them…
That ‘genius’ from B class? He had only grasped the concept of Consecutive Counterattack, right? If he were to continue working hard for another decade or so, he could have possibly reached half of my level at that time. Casually criticizing those fools without talent, I basked in the compliments and gazes of admiration from the cute female juniors. I thought that my life would continue on like this until the end of time. I thought that when I grow up, I would become a great hero and marry a rich woman. Until that day…
Talent for Divine Arts? The notification for qualifying for the Academy of the Holy Light? To think that I would be able to become a noble Holy Knight! I’ll go, I’ll go!
The me back then had been looking forward to becoming a suave Holy Knight. As I was so overjoyed upon receiving the notification of my qualification, I seemed to have ignored the worried looks on my parents’ faces.
To become a part of the noble Holy Knight seemed like a bright future but in reality, it was just the start of a nightmare…
Graduation equals unemployment? How could this be, I had been a genius from the Academy of Holy Knights, one that only appeared once a decade!! Look at my Holy Light!! Look at my Noble Charge!!
“I’m sorry, we’re all devoted believers of the Holy Light, but what we need right now are talents, who can help spread our teachings, and not violent warriors who can only fight and kill. Our department should only consist of 12 people, but now it’s cramped with 24. Everyone here has graduated from the Academy of the Holy Light and they’re all your seniors. Why should they give up their placing to you?”
“I… Then I’ll go and become a free adventurer!”
“I’m sorry, but as a Holy Knight, you have a responsibility to repay your gratitude to the Church of Holy Light with your strength. The 7th Holy Church is lacking a volunteer to clean the altar and the toilets… Volunteers aren’t given wages, but the Holy Light will reward you for your hard work. Don’t worry, you won’t have to do it for too long. Three years will pass in a flash.” 3
I still remember the gaze of the old Priest when he turned around to look at me.
“Boy, you’re a newcomer, aren’t you? I’ve been working here since I was twenty. I’ve been tolerating this job to the point that my hair has turned white, so enjoy doing the job, you snotty brat!”
“I… I will go and be a free adventurer afterwards, that should be accepted…right?!”
Of course, it was accepted, but I didn’t expect that it would be the start of a true nightmare…
So 3 years later, I finally became a free adventurer. You are asking why was it only 3 years, later? Well if you didn’t want to be chased around by the Holy Church, there was no way to skip the mandatory 3 years of volunteer work…
Alright, looking at how my former juniors had all become veterans and the core of their own adventuring teams, I sighed. Even so, I didn’t feel too discouraged, after all with my Silver-rank abilities, I was confident that it would just be a matter of time for me to become the star in the eyes of the crowd.
But very soon, the cruel reality crushed my dreams with a spiked mace.
“You don’t want me? Why??? As a Silver-rank Holy Knight, I am willing to join your team of Bronze-ranks. You should be happy about it! Or is it… is it because I am a Holy Knight?”
The thief, who stood opposite to me nodded his head.
“Holy Knights spout too much nonsense and have too many canons to live by. Could you honestly tolerate having Undead and Half-Demons as your comrades? Could you socialize with gray organizations and remain quiet when we would be splitting up our trophies of war? As adventurers, we will have to do dirty work most of the time. Will you be able to ensure that you’ll listen obediently to our orders and not hinder us in any way?”
Of course not! The Holy Church’s doctrines clearly stated that all missing items had to be returned to their owners. If you couldn’t find their owners, then you should hand them over to the officials. How could they be divided among us as trophies of war?! As for Undead and Half-Demons? They’re without a doubt evil beings of Chaos! I would never stand on the same ground and smell the same air their lot!
“Alright… Since our paths diverge, we shall not walk together. Since you aren’t willing to allow me to join your party, I will just have to create my own…”
The process of building a new party went rather successfully. The Adventurer’s Guild and the taverns were filled with Holy Knights and Priests who were unable to find a party as well. Soon, our party, ‘Let Light Shine Upon The World’, started on our adventure.
But…
“What do you mean, we’re unable to accept compensation? Doesn’t that basically mean we can only starve?!”
“Hasn’t your teacher informed you about it before you became an adventurer? We’re Holy Knights, therefore we serve the Holy Light and the public. The adventures of a Holy Knight can only be considered as a journey to accumulate experience. Helping citizens in need is our duty and since it’s a duty, how can we accept compensation for our work?”
“Screw being an adventurer if we can’t earn any money! We’ll just starve to death like this!!”
A mysterious smile flashed across the face of that senior. Indeed, he had a plan in mind as this was how the previous Holy Knight adventurers had managed to avoid starving to death.
Although we couldn’t accept compensations, we were free to accept donations for the Holy Church, we were even allowed to keep a third of it as a token of their appreciation, but…
Given that it was a donation, we couldn’t squabble over the amount we received. Even though I could only buy two rye bread with the single bronze coin I received from getting rid of an entire tribe of Ogres, it wasn’t even enough to buy some medicine! Yet, I still had to somehow donate two-thirds of it to the Church…
“This isn’t the worst. You haven’t met with the requests from the Goblins yet. That’s the one that really breaks one’s back.”
“Un?”
“We aren’t allowed to fuss over how much other people donate. In fact, we can’t even complain if the person doesn’t donate, or about what he ends up donating to us… It’s still fine if a stingy Goblin refuses to donate after fulfilling his request. But if he were to donate a one ton heavy boulder to you, you would have to cut it into three equal pieces and carry two of them back to the Holy Church to pay it as tax… As a senior, allow me to warn you in advance. If a Goblin ever hands you a machinery that seems decent, even if it means going against the teachings of the Church, you must dispose of it as soon as possible. If he isn’t using you as a lab rat to test the capabilities of his latest invention, which will inevitably explode sooner or later, then the thing he has passed to you has to be a real bomb, in which case, he’s still using you as a lab rat.”
“Right, be careful of the Mermen as well. The last time we helped the Mermen to clear up their coast, they’ve donated a bunch of smelly mud fish. Under the hot sun, they started to stink halfway through our journey. That stench could be smelled even ten miles away… I had to bathe under the waterfall for three days straight afterwards. I still remember the despising looks those Priestesses shot me with when they were collecting the donations. It was as though they were looking at something dirty.”
The additional information from my Priest companion was hilarious but I couldn’t bring myself to laugh. In the contrary, I felt like crying. 1
“Also, be careful of DemiRams, they’re truly damned. Those stingy things use their fur as compensation and furthermore, they go by strands!! Can you imagine the feeling of holding a bunch of goat fur strands in your hands and recounting them every few steps to avoid any falling onto the floor so that you can pay the correct amount of tax…?” 1
“Also, as Holy Knights, all of us are poor so we shouldn’t resort to scheming against one another. But that one time, I met a…”
Swiftly, the teaching session had turned into a complaining session for our party. As for me, I only saw despair for my future as a Holy Knight.
“… At least, Holy Knights are dashing so they should be popular among women!!”
But very soon, reality swung another heavy bat at me.
“Do you have a house? A mount? Savings?”
I was living in the common dormitory filled with sweaty men. Naturally, it couldn’t be used as my home after getting married. As for mounts, I did have one, but how could I afford to raise a stallion by myself? Thus, I deposited it with the Church and I was only allowed to use it during times of war. As for my savings… During the last war, when the company selling food for the horses sent in the receipts. Hehe. Hello, ladies. Goodbye, ladies.
After taking so many consecutive blows, I finally met an innocent and cute lady. She didn’t mind my poor qualifications and was even willing to date me!
Ah, how beautiful and kind she was. She was my goddess.
But it was bizarre that the most intense activity the both of us had ever engaged in was holding each other’s hands and strolling through the park. She would always reject my offer to advance our relationship.
At that time, I had been a little perplexed but I held in my curiosity. After all, she was so pure and innocent. But after five years had passed, I was already 30-years-old and there was still no progress whatsoever. I couldn’t hold it in any longer so I bucked up my courage to ask her about it.
“Ah? Aren’t Holy Knights the Knights of God? Aren’t they devoid of desires?”
“Curses!! We’re Holy Knights, not Monks! (In fact, only a few Battle Monks would make a vow to stay away from lust)”
So, I spent a lot of effort explaining the difference between Battle Monks and Holy Knights to her before she was able to comprehend. But, what I received was a reply that made me fall back into despair.
“That… I’m sorry, I wanted to have a platonic relationship, that’s why I came to find you. Can we still remain as friends?”
“Friends?! Friends your head! I am already 30 years old!! My classmates already have dozens of children by now!”
That night, in that dormitory full of sweaty men, I’ve cried sorrowfully as my colleagues stood solemnly beside me to console me. 1
“Do you remember Arult? That genius Holy Knight from Lucart City?”
Of course I remembered that winner in life! That bastard found himself a rich and beautiful girlfriend.
“Why’re you mentioning him? Don’t you think that I am sufficiently pathetic as is?”
“He fell into depravity and converted into a Black Knight. He has become the claws of the Chaos Faction. That rich and beautiful girlfriend of his was actually a Demon who approached him to corrupt him…”
“How many does that make? Before this, many people in the Church already had their doubts why a good woman like her would choose to go for a Holy Knight and everyone had warned him about it. Yet, he just wouldn’t believe it… No, he probably knew about it but he didn’t want to face the truth. He wanted to enjoy the blissful life a bit longer.”
“Heh, we’re all numb to this already. If we take the initiative to look for girls, we’ll only end up rejected. On the other hand, women who approach us on their own accord usually have a screw loose. What’s worse is that the Holy Church bans us from spending money to solve our physical needs. Even relieving ourselves is considered a forbidden evil act…” 2
“We are humans! Not beasts! Just two days ago, the love affair between two Holy Knights from the West Mountains was exposed and both of them were exiled from the Church. They were my comrades once and I even sent them off when they departed. But from the looks of it, both of them seemed to be happy at the fact that they could stay together from now on… But they are both men! They were originally normal men who like women! If we restrain ourselves too much, something will really happen! The number of gays in the Church is increasing at a rapid pace!” 1
“Actually, I’ve started to think that I could reluctantly accept man…”
“Actually, I feel the same too. Why don’t we try?…” 2
Ever since the sudden formation of the ‘couple’ that day, I fell into total despair and lived life like a zombie…
You want to break away from the Holy Church? Stop being a Holy Knight? You don’t have other skills to earn a livelihood with and you are already getting old? Starting afresh isn’t something easy. The only class you could convert into without losing too much fighting ability was the Black Knight. Are you sure you could tolerate betraying everything you once stood for?
At that moment, I felt absolute despair toward life. When I was dispatched to the dangerous Underground World, I didn’t even attempt to reject it. As long as I could stay away from the increasing number of gays by my side, what did putting myself in danger count as?
But from there on, my life took a turn.
‘Nanxiang Law School: Currently accepting students for short-term training’ and it comes with a job recommendation? Holy Knights don’t have to undergo interview?! Was this real?!?!
I should just give it a try, things couldn’t get any worse anyway.
I didn’t hold too much hope as I entered Nanxiang. After all, my age was getting a bit on the advanced side and my capability to learn was swiftly deteriorating.
But very quickly, I realized that the Power of Law they were imparting to the students wasn’t that different from my Power of Holy Light. The silver Light of Law was extremely similar to the Holy Light and it was a Lower Concept of the Origin of Order as well. Many techniques and skills between the two were similar, making it easy for me to catch on.
Furthermore, they really did provide jobs for their graduates! No, it wasn’t just at the level of providing jobs. It was to the extent that an old fellow like me, who hadn’t even graduated from the academy yet, had dozens of companies vying for me! 1
Security guard, police, judge and other members of the law system, they were all respectable figures of the upper-class society! To think that a useless old man like me would have a day that I would saw the onset of spring!
“We don’t have an annoying Church or any Gods that we have to serve. We only believe in the codex and in maintaining justice and equality. But at the same time, we’re also humans and we need to make a living. As graduates of Nanxiang, it isn’t a difficult task for us to deal with criminals and villains. Even if we don’t become a member of the police force, we are entrusted with other jobs such as a security guards. As Justice Knights belong to the Order Faction, they are unable to commit crimes and they have to follow their vows and promises. This makes them trustworthy employees to their employers, thus greatly increasing their opportunities for promotions!”
That year, when my teacher was speaking so passionately on the stage, I didn’t quite believe him, especially after all that I had gone through.
But afterwards, everything ended up changing, just like how that teacher had described it to be! After graduation, I got a job at a large merchant guild. Just by chasing away those weaklings, who had caused trouble at the front reception for twenty days each month, my monthly salary was actually a staggering 10 000 gold coins! 10 000 gold coins!! That was 200 times more than that of a Holy Knight! Furthermore, I didn’t have to suffer the batter of the rain or risk my life for it!!
What, you’re saying that a Holy Knight could do the same as well? Dumbass, Holy Knights are Knights who serve the Holy Light and their God. How could they be employed for their personal gains?
Very quickly, after I had saved sufficient money to buy myself a house, I found my loved one! I even bought a cute Dragon Horse which possessed the bloodline of a Red Dragon. It could travel a thousand miles in a single day and spat flames from its mouth. I was finally a true Knight and not a foot soldier who deposited his mount with the Church.
Just a while ago, I informed my old companions of it and all of them immediately rushed over. After graduating from Nanxiang, some of them served as sentries for the city, some of them joined the Town Security and others became judges. As for the two gay Holy Knights, after earning some money, they became their own bosses, married a wife each and even had their own children now!! 5
“My Holy Knight brothers, come and convert to become Justice Knights. Putting aside the fact that you all get to retain most of your strength upon changing classes, we’re all still standing on the same line in the Order Faction. The Holy Church will surely be glad to see everyone changing classes. After all, they don’t have a sufficient budget to raise all of us.
‘Which school is best at teaching the usage of the Power of Order? Come to Nanxiang Law School in the Sulfur Mountain City of the Underground World. You have the option to pay for your tuition after learning in the academy and users of Holy Light can get in without an interview. The first month of your wages after starting work will be taken as the school fees. We offer a free month-long trial for people who would like to try it out. Our motto at Nanxiang is to study hard and work hard. Power, promotions, and salary will come rapidly along with a rich and beautiful wife! 1
Quote; My mother no longer has to worry about me being unemployed and I can even became my own boss I the future!!!’
You are still worried that you will be unable to find a job in the future? Let me work the math for you. Every city needs its own police and public security officers. Every enterprise needs security guards. Every government requires a law system. There are so many job opportunities available and you, as the vanguard of the Law Faction and the favored one of the new era, you are actually worried that you will be unable to find a job? Come to Nanxiang, we shall provide you with everything. Graduating from the Academy of Holy Light is equal to unemployment but at Nanxiang, you can be employed even before graduating!” 1
The above was all the content of an advertisement flyer. The writer was the Supreme Judge of the Supreme Court of Sulfur Mountain City, Wumianzhe…
“Hey, hey, aren’t you going too far? It’s been said that when the Archbishop of Holy Light, old Bill, read the flyer, he fainted on the spot and almost died from excessive bleeding from his head!!”
Yes, I was poaching personnel from the Holy Church and I was doing it very openly.
Of course he would vomit blood. Even though this advertisement flyer was written by me, but the contents written above were entirely true. It was the sore spot of the Holy Church.
After all, I had once been a Holy Knight and many of the examples came from my personal experience… A sudden heartache made me mutter subconsciously, “Fortunately, I am no longer an unlucky Holy Knight.”
At this moment, facing Adam’s question of whether I had gone too far, I smiled.
“I don’t see anything wrong with it. When I personally passed this flyer to the Town Security, they were all overjoyed!!”
Of course they would be overjoyed. Previously, they hadn’t been allowed to join the law system officially. But now, they were given an opportunity to study the Power of Law. This also meant that my law system and the Sulfur Mountain City had completely accepted their presence here.
They had already used their fresh blood and hard work to prove their loyalty. If I continued to turn my back away from them, that would be too heartless.
“…You plan t turn the Town Security’s Holy Knight army into a Justice Knight army? You haven’t told this news to old Bill, right? I’m afraid that he might be unable to hold on to his life once you do.” 2
“I’ve sent out a messenger personally to report the news to him!”
————–
“Lord!! You are vomiting blood again!! This is the 20th time this month! Things are going badly and we can’t hold on anymore. We better return to the Surface World.”
“Archbishop, bad news! After seeing the flyers, most Holy Knights and Priests said that they want to go to Nanxiang, we can’t hold them back anymore!!”
The Archbishop of Holy Light continued to vomit blood… 1
————–
Elisa reported the happenings after the Archbishop received the news of the Town Security switching faiths to me, saying that he was too shocked and continually vomited blood. After which, a farce even broke out. Hearing those words, I smiled gleefully.
“You old fool, who asked you to preserve your own strength when things had turned chaotic. You’ve even tried to spread your teachings at a time when everyone was in a state of fear after the battle. Just because a lion hasn’t hunted for a long time, it does’t mean that it has turned into a sick cat. You deserved this!”
CREATORS’ THOUGHTS
StarveCleric StarveCleric
Reedited by Devils_Advocate, unfortunately the rest of the team is a bit busy at the moment, so there could be mistakes this time around, please notify me, if you find any.