Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich - Chapter 22

Chapter 22: Baiting
Translator: StarveCleric Editor: StarveCleric

“I am a good person, I really am a good person.”
This had pretty much become my catchphrase. Every time I uttered these words, the listener’s expressions and attitude would subtly change very weirdly.
“Hehe, today’s weather isn’t bad. A clear sky and a light breeze, very suited for outdoor camping. Right, we Taurens aren’t very interested in eating grass feed. Next time we go for outdoor camping, could you bring steak instead of grass? I like it medium-rare, it tastes best with a hint of blood.”
Which dumb cow was it, proclaiming that it only eats beef? He was obviously changing the topic, but this was also the sort of reply that I was most comfortable with.
“Hehe, master, you really like cracking jokes. But this joke seems a little outdated.”
“HAHA, good person? I am about to die out of laughter here! If you are a good person, then I must be a love saint!” Adam didn’t spare me any face.
“No, even Roland could become a good person, it’s impossible for you to become a love saint. But, Adam, you really have lofty goals, love saint, huh? Why don’t I build you a forbidden city so that you can start to collect beauties?” Very quickly, Margaret’s tangible resentment let Adam know what ‘trouble comes from the mouth’ meant. Un, I was the one who passed along his words to Margaret.
Alright, most of the people who were acquainted with me would probably have the same reaction as Elisa and that dumb Adam and treat my ‘good person declaration’ as a type of joke. However, within my own means, I was indeed trying to be a good person.
As a Lich, if I were to help old grannies across the road, the old grannies would probably go running to the Town Security for help. However getting rid of evil could also be seen as a kind act. Getting rid of a criminal was much more effective than doing ten little kind things. Granting order to this city and allowing the citizens to live in prosperity, no matter how I looked at it, it should be equivalent to doing 10,000 good deeds.
But, that damned Evil Lich System refused to acknowledge my logic and continued to issue one immoral daily quests after the other.
Furthermore, I was in no position to avoid doing these missions. Unless I completed them my Evil Points would keep getting deducted, and without them I had no way to revive myself. But, as a law enforcer, I could not simply do as I please thus, I was forced to spend my brain juice to ponder upon how to convert these destructive daily quests into pranks, which did not overstep the boundary of law.
” ‘Make more than hundred people roll on the floor in despair’ ? Let’s introduce the tickling hell… The side effect from my idea were that the chicken feathers which I used to create the tickling hell awarded me with heavy fines and a reconciliation fee…
‘Torture an intelligent being in public, the more gruesome its death, the better it is’ ? This was a simple one. I choose you, cockroach-kun. An intelligence raising spell then a full set of my 10 most cruel tortures. Hehe, should I start with Wu Ma Fen Shi1 or the stabs of a thousand knives. Elisa, lend me the needle you use to sew clothes. What d I needed it for? Of course, it is for an operation.”
The side effects of that incident were Elisa ignoring me for an entire week, refusing to come within 3 meters of me for a month and the eyes she looked at me were full of despise. When she had no choice but to call me, she would shout ‘Smelly bug master’…
Messing around like that was tiring at the start but eventually, it became an interesting intellectual battle with the Town Security. Hm? It seems I finally understood why Xueti and Lilith always seemed to join the faction against the Town Security and pit courage and intelligence against them. The words of sages from the past weren’t wrong, happiness and perversion was contagious.
Hmph, as a law enforcer, they couldn’t always cause trouble for the Town Security army. I made a mental note to find an opportunity to talk to them (Mysterious voice: You have the cheek to pretend you are not one of them?!) 1
Cough, looks like I went out of topic. Let’s go back to talking about important matters. 1
I used to not understand why the system refused to admit that I was a good person, and that feared I was condemned to remain an evil Lich forever. But one day, as I was shouting at a criminal, the realization suddenly struck me. 1
“You think that after killing the other party’s father, then giving up all of your wealth to compensate his daughter and doing moral compensation, you would become guiltless? You are simply lying to yourself! You hypocrite! No matter what you do afterwards, you have already sinned. The victim’s pain has become a reality the moment you committed the crime. No matter how you try to explain or compensate, you can’t change what you have done. Only through accepting the judgement and punishment of the law can you wash away your misdeeds. If you really regret what you have done, then reform yourself properly in prison, atone for your sins and come out to start anew.” 1
As the daughter of the victim pleaded for him, he was sentenced to a lighter verdict, 15 years of imprisonment for an impulsive murder.
After this case was concluded, I felt extremely weak. I had never felt so useless…
In a solitary chamber, I slumped on the chair. I grabbed my head, but when I could only see those skeleton arms, I suddenly felt enlightened.
“No matter what I do in the future, the past sins still weighed upon me. The souls that died because of me were sufficient to fill the entire River Styx. No matter how many people I save, how many good things I do, I am still a sinner. I can’t even lie to my own heart, so how am I able to get the system to admit that I am a kind person? The words on the law monument at the entrance of the Supreme Court were even handwritten by me…’Only impartial judgement and the punishment coan wash away sins, no one is an exception'” 1
But, it seemed that there was no one that could judge me. Then, I could only continue treading the lines of good and evil and wait for the day that might not even arrive, the day that I could be judged…
Perhaps, I had vaguely sensed it in my heart that it was ironic that a great sinner who almost destroyed the entire world ended up proudly sitting on the seat of a judge and sentenced those criminals who had killed a few people. How funny it was…
“Hah, so what if I am a hypocrite?! I am not going to say dumb words like asking for a peace of mind. I only think that since the Eich continent isn’t destroyed yet and the original ‘history’ has proven that normal means are not sufficient for us to escape this great calamity. If so, then let this hypocrite try out his unorthodox methods.”
Yes, so I managed to do it but then, I met with a little trouble.
At this moment, we received intelligence from ‘Observer’ that the ones who were invading Sulfur Mountain City’s east gate was Chrome City’s Blackwater army, the Royal Guards of the City Lord Steelback Pig Hng Hng.
Yeah, ‘Hng Hng’ was the name of this Beastman City Lord. Please respect the Pig Tribe’s tradition of calling their child by the sound they make when they are born. 1
But, it was a pity that this tradition resulted in a slight side effect. If you were to shout ‘Hng Hng, I shall do your X’ in a place where the Pig Tribe Beastmen were gathered, then around 300 to 400 Hng Hngs would come find trouble with you…
There was once a wise sage from the Red Heavens Pig Tribe who suggested putting a number behind the name to solve that problem. But, due to the low intelligence of the Pig Tribe Beastmen, they could only count to 20… and that already included using their toes to count. It was impossible to put this idea into play, so he could only give up in frustration.
Nevertheless the creator was still quite fair. The Pig Tribe Beastmen may have a low intelligence, look incredibly ugly and smelly to the point that made one think of a pig sty, but they were born with great strength and a thick skin. Most important of all, they reproduced very quickly. A common fact among any race, as long as their numbers stack up, geniuses and experts were practically guaranteed to appear among them.
The Blackwater army was an ideal example. Every new soldier was specially chosen from a thousand pigs. Then, they were trained through killing each other. The weak were eliminated while the strong ones remained. The final ten who survived would have the glory of becoming Hng Hng City Lord’s Royal Guards.
The Blackwater army may have only 3000 as their personnel and as foot soldiers, they had an obvious weakness, which was their mobility. But, their average strength consisted of LV50 silver-rank, and their formation consisted of the classic Beastman Berserkers coupled with Beast Shamans. The Pig Tribe Beastman, who were born with naturally thick skin, when they were further buffed with a Bloodthirst sorcery, they would change into a frenzied state and on the battlefield, it was reminiscent of countless moving mountains of flesh, making it hard to block them head on. This made them considered to be quite a prestigious army.
Of course, this was only when placed in the underground world where experts were everywhere. If such an army were to appear on the surface, it would be on the level of a human empire’s Royal Army.
15 minutes ago, almost a thousand Blackwater foot soldiers and Black Shamans charged in through the opened east gate, rushing in straight without fear.
It looked like in order to express their goodwill to the Underground Alliance they planned on taking down Sulfur Mountain City. To accomplish this City Lord Hng Hng was willing to send out over half of his total military power and those corrupt councilors actually hid them outside the city all this while. The newest team to meet them head on was the Dark Elf Town Security Patrol Team who got the news first and they were only a small team consisting of 10 people…
Covering the back of the citizens so that they could escape, the small team of Dark Elf Holy Knights fought to their death without ever retreating a single step. Furthermore, Dark Elves were well known for their beauty and the Pig Tribe Beastman were born savage and with strong sexual desire, they weren’t even choosy between the living and the dead…
They played and defiled the corpses while eating them. The corpses of those responsible guards ended up as toys for the Beastman. Should I be grateful for the Pig Tribe Beastman’s loose military discipline and their foolishness? To fight over the priority in usage of their ‘war trophy’, they even began to start fighting. Then, just as I arrived, the sight before me was one depicting hell in the mortal world. “Hah, however, I am still quite grateful for the Evil Lich System in this kind of situation. As long as I do as I please, I can become stronger. How easy is that? After all, evil people need evil people to sharpen their edges. Besides, to be more evil than those evil reckless thugs was something that makes one happy.
A cold and venomous curse resonated with my soul and unimaginable killing intent roared within my head. Finally, it was released into an ice-cold phrase.
“Kill them all!”
CREATORS’ THOUGHTS
StarveCleric StarveCleric
Reedited by Devils_Advocate and his Team, the “Pranav Memorial Foundation”