Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich - Chapter 20

Chapter 20: The Unassailable Man
Translator: StarveCleric Editor: StarveCleric

“Lord, I beg you to help me!! I really don’t have any other means.”
The elf in front of me had tear stains all over his face. Both of his eyes were filled with natural charm, his green hair was smooth and beautiful and his lips were bright red. Just simply by looking at the outer appearance, he was definitely a calamity-level big beauty1. 1
But right now, tears were flowing freely off his cheeks. Those two beautiful eyes looking at me were full of sincerity and imploration. In an instant, he dived into my embrace but I quickly pulled away the robe he was holding on to and took a step back, pulling apart out distance.
“What happened? Don’t forget, you are a lawyer and a man!”
Yes, the elf crying pitifully in front of me would be the capable first-class defence attorney Krose Ainta of the Supreme Court.
The male elves were naturally androgynous. Even more so, Krose was hailed as the top beauty of the legal system. People often suspected that he wrote the wrong gender on his work tag. He even made history by being pulled into the female toilet by other people. He’s also troubled by such circumstances and he has since tried to act more masculine in daily life.
Other people wear the silver mask to symbolize the surrendering of one’s individualism to be impartial and as far as I know, Krose wore the mask even after work. In fact, he had developed some kind of obsession in regards to collecting masks as well as making them.
It was said that he had collected an entire cabinet of masks of the legal system. Those exquisite silver masks had been made through handiwork unique to the elves, the presence of intricate carvings, and he was even willing to throw in mithril strips, pure gold, gems and different valuable goods into his creations. His dexterous hands were skilled to the extent that he was able to draw out Sulfur Mountain City’s scenery onto the mask. But, masks were also a part of the uniform, so how could they be different from what others wear. So, as not to affect his job, his carvings were so miniscule to the extent that it was indiscernible without a magnifying glass. In other words, all of his efforts were in vain and he carved it for nothing…
Even so, he still regarded them as his treasure and wipes them multiple times every day. He doesn’t take off the mask even while bathing and sleeping… Why would he do that, everyone knew about it in their mind but no one was so silly as to point it out.
In the past, these masks did indeed give this feminine defence attorney elf courage and dignity and his innate nature to be meticulous helped him gain a deep understanding of the law. His faith and love for the law earned him my respect and in my eyes, ignoring his outer appearance, he was an extremely capable defence attorney. Yet this was the first time he had removed his mask and sobbed in front of me, asking for help.
“Calm down, Krose. Take a deep breath. What has happened? Has Sulfur Mountain City’s Jail been raided and all of the criminals escaped?”
Krose shook his head vehemently and his tears splattered around, dampening my sleeves.
There were already people pointing and gossiping about us. In order to prevent suspicion about my sexuality and not to become the top news of the rotten ladies 1of this foreign world, I quietly took a step back, widening the distance.
“Have the evil dragons come to attack the city? Did you inform the city lord?”
He continued to shake his head, my guess proved to be wrong yet again.
“Have the demonic beasts invaded…” I continued asking a few questions of the most likely scenarios, but he only continued to shake his head. Finally, after Krose managed to catch his breath, he started talking: “It was Beifeng! That perverted dracon, Beifeng Herault! He went too far this time!” 4
In that moment, the beauty wiped away his tears. Recalling that he was still in the courtroom, he tried his best to squeeze out a smile. A smile by a beauty after the rain, it could be said to resemble the ink lotus that charmed all, that caught sight of it… Hearing voices of shock and shrieks, I quietly took another step back, pulling apart our distance by 3 meters.
Then, listening to ‘his’ narrative, I roughly got the hang of what happened.
That Dracon with a special hobby was the cause of everything. After the “Restriction of relationship surpassing friendly between humanoid-life forms and non-humanoid life forms law” and “The qualifications for the raising of pets” measures, which were directed primarily at him, were quickly passed, his ‘pets’ and ‘lovers’ were taken away. Indeed he took a severe blow. Unfortunately this did not last long and very soon, he stood up again…
He was no longer a Beast Hunter. Instead he changed his job to a veterinarian that specialized in gynecology… 1
This in itself was not so bad. The Ex-Beast Hunter possessed deep knowledge on animals and treating pets was its expertise. Turning into a veterinarian was as though he found his calling. Coupled with his patience and passion, despite starting work just a week ago, his nursing techniques that were full of love had many good reviews. He even created the ‘Touch of Love’, a method of calming down animals, but…
“I brought my family’s Little White to see the vet, however I ended up meeting this pervert instead. How can this pervert call himself a vet? He was obviously using wretched methods to play around with everyone’s pets. He was even laughing at me gleefully while playing with my family’s Little White’s there… Wuuuuu, Little White was so innocent, he even happily licked his fingers… I, I must kill him and avenge Little White’s shame!!”
If I recall correctly, Little White was the pet dog he raised…
Krose was crying very pitiful. Born as a Wild Elf druid, he felt deep repulsion against these kinds of unnatural actions. As a lawyer, Krose even defended him. Beifeng’s actions were completely disregarding the law. Contrary to how Krose was crying as though he was a young lady acting cute1, I didn’t doubt his words, he would go off to kill Beifeng.
From what I understood from his inflexibility, he would definitely come and confess to the crime begging for death after committing it. In the worst-case scenario, he could be here right now to resign as a lawyer, then commit a double suicide with that pervert.
I was a bit speechless. If I were to let a capable subordinate commit suicide over work for such a dishonorable reason, I really was at a loss on how to deal with it.
Thus, I spoke weakly to the people behind me.
“Don’t just watch the show, help me invite the pervert here. This is the first time I am seeing an opponent that seems to be sure he can get away and disregard my laws.”
“Yes, my lord!”
“Yes, my lord, we shall set off immediately!”
As expected, a dozen or so of them answered at the same time. They were indeed hiding at the corner of the wall enjoying the show.
Krose finally recalled that it was a public spot and hurriedly stood up. But his eyes that were filled with anticipation and trust really made one at a loss on how to respond to it.
——————–
My office wasn’t very big. I faced the pervert across my table and for an instant, I was unsure of what to say. Should I erect a new law to prevent him from working as a doctor? No. A law directed towards a crime was acceptable, but if I were to write a law that was directed towards a certain person, I would become a laughingstock.
Also, changing the laws too often was a big taboo. This would signify that the original legislation was problematic and this could negatively impact the dignity of the law and the judiciary.
Directly kill the other party? Such an execution would pose no problem, but the crime and the punishment handed down should be of equal scale. That was the basic principle of the legal system. This lad may be a pervert, but that didn’t warrant his death.
From a legal perspective, if we were unable to find evidence of his crimes and still judge him with the capital punishment, it would mark a foolish act that undermined the entire existence of the legal system.
Lock him up? While I personally would love to do so, I was unable to do so, since he wasn’t guilty of anything. Technically he was just fulfilling his responsibility as a pet gynecologist and calming those cute pets down meticulously. Some ‘touch’ couldn’t be avoided… I’m guessing that would be the most likely defense he would use to argue and it was a logical obe. We lacked any evidence to prove otherwise…
I sat on my chair. This was the first time I felt so weak.
“We can’t kill him nor lock him up. So does this mean we can only continue to watch him do such indecent things to those cute pets? Even the alliance army of the Holy Church isn’t as hard to deal with as this pervert!”
Beifeng Herault’s eyes turned, seemingly having made a decision.
“My lord, am I allowed to return now? I still have work to do. A lot of pets are still queuing up, waiting for my diagnosis.”
This lad may seem to be smiling honestly, but in reality, he was mocking me.
“Is the Supreme Court incredible? But you still can’t do anything about me.”
“Normal methods aren’t suitable, but I am an expert at unorthodox method. Slander, rumor, frame and assassination, it’s child play to kill your reputation.” Just as I was about to go about the unorthodox way to get rid of the pervert in front of me a voice beside my ear whispered.
“Master, based on your plan, we need one person to infiltrate the jail. Doesn’t he seem very suited…”
Thus, I smiled behind the mast and paid even more close attention to the man in front of me. 1
“Why is it that no matter how I look, he seems likes like a pervert that should be sent to jail? Maybe he is perfectly suited for it. Un, no mistake about that.”
After making up my mind, I raised two of my fingers up.
“Let’s make a legal deal then. Just two things. If you accomplish them, I will issue you a pet owner license so you won’t need to be a veterinarian anymore. As long as you don’t soil the climate of the city in public, you can do whatever you wish at home. Whatever it is, as long as it is in your home, I shall turn a blind eye to it.”
Yes, Beifeng’s hobby was only a sin if you saw it from a moral side. As long as he doesn’t do it publicly, thereby not negatively influence the society, triggering the crime of soiling the city’s climate, he wouldn’t really touch my red line and I could still tolerate it… barely.
Looking at the disgusting gleeful smile on the person in front of me, I felt really nauseated. If I could, I really wanted to send a finger of death to kill him.
I had to close my eyes to avoid seeing the glee on his crooked smile. It was only after a long time that I managed to calm my emotions and keep my killing intent in check.
“The first matter, apologize to Krose. Un, that’s that elf lawyer that you drove to tears. No matter what, he defended you in court before and yet you repaid him with ingratitude, how is this acceptable?”
“Yes, yes, my lord, I will apologize to Miss Krose immediately!!”
“It’s Mister!” Predictably, a look of surprise appeared on the Dracon. I continued speaking.
“The second matter, go and commit a crime. I will throw you into Sulfur Mountain City Jail, there’s something I need you to do for me inside.”
“What?!”
“Raid the jail!!!”
——————–
When Beifeng finally left and I finished working on the work that had piled up over this period of time, 4 to 5 hours had already passed and it was time for the moon to set.
Standing by the window, I felt a little sentimental seeing the sight of prosperity outside.
“Sulfur Mountain City has been peaceful for too long. So peaceful to the extent that some of them are overstepping their boundaries.”
“Isn’t this all thanks to your efforts. are you just praising yourself indirectly?”
A venomous tongue as usual. But in this instant, I wasn’t in the mood to bicker with her.
“No, we should be thankful to Adam and Margaret, they are the ones to fight fiercely in the underground city which was full of internal strife to protect this city. But apparently, some people have already forgotten the grace they were bestowed with and it is about time to remind them of it.”
Elisa nodded her head.
“Traitors cannot be forgiven. Actually, following the rules of underground cities, we could just get rid of them. This is also the view of most of ‘Observer’s top spies…”
“This is Sulfur Mountain City where everyone is treated as equal. There is no authoritarian might existing here. Un, at least on the surface there isn’t any. It was difficult for us to achieve peace… fine, peace on the surface, so we should cherish it more. Let’s just work within the rules of Sulfur Mountain City. We need some ‘accident’ to gather evidence on those traitors and let some people die accidentally.”
“Yes, once chaos spreads, my spies will begin to collect evidence. As long as we are able to find conclusive evidence, it will be the time for the Hall of Enforcement and Hall of Judgement to do their work.”
“Have you finished preparing the trackers and magic tracking insignia? I don’t want any criminals to be able to escape for real.”
“Yes, I have long since finished preparing everything. The magic tracking insignia has already been added into the drinking water of the prisoners and won’t vanish for 3 months… more than enough time to capture them all back. The entire 3600 members of our ‘Observer’ will participate in this mission. As long as the ones who break out stay within a thousand people, then there won’t be a single innocent citizen who will get hurt.”
“Un, then set the dogs out to bite. Sulfur Mountain City has been too peaceful, and why should I be the one cutting away the rotten flesh personally?”
Letting the prisoners ‘escape’ to lure the snake out of its lair, it was a dangerous move. Back then when I was explaining the plan to the four heavenly kings, it cost me quite a bit of effort before I got their support for this movement.
“Yes, the ‘Observers’ will force the special criminals to a suitable location. Even if they do not head there, our internal spies will also bait them there. However, I am worried about whether that Beifeng can successfully raid the jail.”
“Don’t underestimate him, just look at this.”
Looking at the documents in front of her, even the emotionless Elisa gave out a shout of surprise.
“How could this be? A gold-rank Beastman Hunter! A Beastmaster?” 1
“Yes, this is an inborn advantage of those with long lifespans. As long as you live long enough, you will eventually become strong. A Beastman Hunter is also a natural Beastmaster, his love for animals… Forget it, let’s not talk about it. It’s too disgusting. Look at this report again…”
“Less than an hour after Target X entered the jail, all of his cellmates requested to change cells. There was even a person shouting ‘Don’t put me together with this pervert! If you don’t change my cell, then I will die!’. At the same time, there was really a prisoner who had really bashed his head into the wall asking to be killed… This is really too exaggerated!!”
“… Not just that, there was even a ‘jiji’ sound that was coming out from his cell. It should be him calling those mice to help him… I hope they were just helping him raid the jail, I don’t want to continue down this train of thoughts…”
Somehow, the earlier killing intent that took me so long to suppress raged once again.
“Must we really do it? There are no secrets that can be kept forever. If we let the prisoners out and news were to spread, your reputation…”
“Even if we manage to suppress the news, just the fact that the jail of the legal system was raided is enough. A demotion, interrogation and punishment are things that can’t be avoided. Even if Adam was unwilling to pass down any punishment, I would ask for it myself.”
After half a day, Elisa continued asking.
“Is it worth it for you to sully your reputation like that?”
“If the reputation and prestige of a subordinate was higher than the highest leader, then it would be hard for the leader to do his job. Since I have decided to put Annie up as the city lord, then let’s just go through it. Besides…”
“Besides?”
“A new generation of change is coming. It will be a tide which no one will able to stop. In the change of era, what does this reputation of mine count as? Also…”
“Also, you were hoping that maybe little Annie would be touched by your sacrifice and propose to you.”
My face was full of shock, but I listened to the words that followed.
“Hmph, propose to you? Hoho, given her personality, she would only get angry at you, frustrated at you and ignore you. Hmph! It will be best if she keeps ignoring you for the rest of your life!”
Looking at the red-faced half-demon lady, whose face portrayed something different from her usual expressionless self, I, as though cursed, uttered something taboo:
“Are you perhaps jealous? Jealous that I treat Annie better than you?”
After that, in an instant, the air in the office froze… Looking at how the redness on the venomous head maid extended to her ears and the embarrassment filled her eyes, I started praying for those collections of mine.
“Finished, I misspoke. She will definitely get revenge for it!!”
How weird, she maintained the queer silence. Only half a day later did she manage to squeeze out half a sentence.
“If I was really jealous, then you…”
Elisa’s voice got quieter and quieter, the part behind was totally inaudible.
“What?”
Just as my mind was twirling to find some words or jokes to respond with, to bring back the atmosphere, the door to my office was suddenly pushed open. Krose rushed in and the red-faced Elisa immediately disappeared into the shadows.
“My lord, something bad has happened. Sulfur Mountain City Jail has been raided!!!”
“Why are you panicking? Isn’t this part of the plan?”
“But… But this isn’t part of OUR plan! That pervert hasn’t even started digging a pathway yet, instead another sector has already been raided. Someone invaded the jail! It is a true jail raid!! The prisoners have all escaped!! We are losing control of the situation!!!”
“Pacha!” This was the sound of me accidentally using too much force and breaking the armrest of the wooden chair. Following that, I had lost control creating a suffocating magic siphon. In the next second, the entire world became warped. Only two colors, black and white, remained from this colorful world. Elisa was driven out from the shadows and Krose was sent flying out the door by the summoned magic power.
“Those bastards must be tired of living!! To actually cause trouble in my jurisdiction!! Those blind bastards, I will slaughter their whole family!!”
Alright, in this office, the gangster-like declaration would eventually be passed down as the usually polite and restrained Supreme Judge Lord Wumianzhe’s black history…
CREATORS’ THOUGHTS
StarveCleric StarveCleric
Reedited by Devils_Advocate and his Team, the “Pranav Memorial Foundation”