Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich - Chapter 15

Chapter 15: A Game With the Intruders
Translator: StarveCleric Editor: StarveCleric

“Never proactively invade a Mage Tower with an owner and even more so, don’t underestimate the moral boundary of a Mage. Unless you hope to end up like me, IX, 12 consecutive traps, aren’t you afraid of triggering it yourself? Indeed, all Mages are madman — Great Adventurer Kuse.” 1
From a certain sense, this saying had become an iron law among adventurers, especially when this adventurer was well-known in the circle for being carefree and for his skill in escaping. During the exploration of a flying castle in an alternate dimension, he had been dissected into 13 pieces by a great Warlock’s consecutive traps. The saying that he used his life to emphasize it made the saying even more convincing.
For a job class like Mages, they often viewed the pursuit of truth and knowledge as the only goal of their life and their living quarters and their Mage Tower were at the same time their research center as well as their treasure trove.
Therefore, whenever the fruits of their research and their lives were being threatened, their moral bottom limit and chastity became exceptionally low. Their living quarters and research labs were filled with all kinds of traps and mechanisms, magic traps that even master thieves couldn’t do anything about. For example, opening a door may very possibly result in you being transported over to another world.
A Legend-rank Mage’s living quarters and Mage Tower’s threat isn’t any lower than infiltrating the den of a Dragon and even the weakest Lich was at least a Legend.
Thus, I was extremely curious exactly what kind of people would directly attack the living quarters of a Lich, especially while he was obviously at home.
“Elisa?”
“There were two teams of intruders, one of them attacking head-on while the other was climbing the wall at the back. Judging from their skills and their weapons, it should be the Dark Elves, 7 silver-rank and 3 gold-rank. Quite a powerful group I must say.”
Elisa reported everything in clear detail as I was used from her, but this wasn’t the answer I was looking for.
“Why were there explosions? Didn’t I tell you to just set up some safe and quiet alarms on the outer perimeter? Such a loud explosion at night would attract the Town Security over soon.”
Following «The Town Security Guidelines Wumianzhe’s 6th Edition», after hearing the explosions, they would form a small team to scout the scene within 5 minutes. Furthermore, my living quarters lay in the central area of Sulfur Mountain City, not too far from the Supreme Court. I reckoned at minimum, they would be here in 10 minutes.
“They will definitely take this opportunity to conduct a raid against us! If that’s the case, then won’t those forbidden goods in my basement be discovered!?”
The Town Security only had the authority to enforce the law on the crime scene. To enter other people’s homes to conduct an arrest, they would require a search warrant from their superiors. The superior of the Town Security was the Hall of Enforcement and the superior of the Hall of Enforcement was the Supreme Court. There was no reason I would sign a search warrant to allow the Town Security to raid my own house…
That’s right, from the start, I was never worried about them intruding. I was similar to those corrupt officials and illegal merchants in the sense that when their illegal goods got robbed, they would not dare to report the case. If the Town Security were to use this opportunity to raid my quarters, I was afraid that I might be thrown directly into Sulfur Mountain City’s jail.
Despite having listened to my complaints, Elisa maintained her poker face.
“Yeah, you said that you wanted a ‘Safe’ anti-burglary system, right? Just like what you had requested, what I set up on the outer perimeter were just some Engineer-made alarm robots only. ”
“Then why were there explosions?” Following which, after taking into account the heavily emphasized ‘Safe’, realization struck me.
“From ‘Safe’? It can’t be that you were talking about the ‘Safe’ brand goblin machinery on Gold Coin Street? The one opened by the Beyar brothers?”
I definitely would recognize that store. That Safe brand goblin machinery, due to selling fakes and explosives, was stripped of its license and it should not still be operating without one.
Of course, the name of the store was a hoax and there were some unlucky people who bought the wrong ‘Safe Goblin Goods’ but after a few incidents, there was no reason why anyone would buy from their store ever again. This brand also became a negative example.
“Of course, I thought that you were asking me to help take care of your brothers and thus, specially requesting me to purchase from them?”
“They are not my brothers! What use are their goods other than exploding? I must had gone mad if I ever asked you to grace their shop!”
“I’m sorry, looks like I misunderstood your words.”
She apologized sincerely but seeing how the edges of her lips were slightly arched upwards, I knew that this introvert half-demon was definitely laughing inside. She must had done it on purpose!
“You… Fine, I admit my loss. You really went through all the efforts just to torture me.”
“As long as you pay me back all my wages, I guarantee you that your life from now on will be a breeze.”
“Hmph, dream on. Don’t you think that I would know the pattern of you demons? Paying your wages means the end of the contract. You want to to regain your freedom? In your dreams.”
While we were chattering idly, both teams closed in on us but I paid them no attention.
“Have you already found out the identity of the intruders? If you haven’t done so yet, I’m going to cut your pay. Hmph, don’t think that I don’t knew that you were secretly eating into the household expenses, using it to buy your personal items. Despite being advanced in age, you still like those light flowy clothes. Hoho, a steel-faced spinster with a ballet tutu. do you require me to give you an allowance to buy a doll…”
I shouldn’t continue on with my sarcastic words as the seemingly tangible black mist of anger kept reminding me that I would certainly meet with bad luck within the next few days. For example, my diary might be blown away by a strong wind while writing on it, my energy source could turn into dog food, the oil I use to clean and maintain my bones may turn into natural asphalt or half of the Town Security could end up falling from the sky towards me while I was completing my daily tasks.
…Thinking about all these possibilities, an inexplicable feeling of sorrow overwhelmed me. Exactly who was the master and who was the servant? Should I perhaps really start considering paying her all of her wages to get rid of her?
“Boom!!”
Another gigantic explosion interrupted my train of thoughts.
“What was that? Landmines? You bought those thing and even planted it in my flower garden?!” I made use of this opportunity to be difficult. “Hmph, disobeying orders and breaking our contract. I should make use of this opportunity to cut another 10 years of her wages.”
“…That location, it should be where the fully-automated goblin sprinkler T130 is.”
“Boom!!”
“Here, too? The lawn mower?”
“No, it should be the entrance, the doorbell ‘Loud-kun’?” The young lady tilted her head innocently.
“Indeed, loud enough as the name implied. Fortunately I never had the habit of pressing my doorbell… No, that isn’t right. For even the doorbell to be of Safe brand, you intend to kill me and steal my wealth?”
“Boom!!” “Boom!!” This time, it was a consecutive explosion. I knew that the flooring of my entrance probably needed to be changed now. No, judging from the intensity of the explosion, my quarters probably needed a new entrance as well.
“This is? My shoe rack?”
Elisa nodded her head bitterly. “Safe brand’s fully automated shoe rack model XT-137. It’s said to be able to automatically help its owner choose his shoes, brush and also polish them…”
I can’t help but feel glad for being a Lich, who floated while moving from place to place, thus never finding the need for shoes. But after that, I felt that something was wrong.
“That can’t be right, I don’t even own any shoes, so why did you buy a shoe rack for??”
“Ah? My Lord, it was my negligence.”
“A negligence in a murder plot? You are really getting better and better at playing with words.”
“That’s all thanks to your effective teaching.”
“Ah, my Evil Points went up again, looks like another one died… Let’s just hope that some of the intruders will somehow barely survive. At least, I could bring them to the experimental lab to try out the new magic traps I came up with.”
—————————————
Arunide was the second daughter of the noble Third Family from Morsblight City. The fact that she became a gold-rank Priestess of Lorci1 while not even 200 years old symbolizes that she had earned the favor of the Mother of Spiders. As the next rising star of Morsblight City, she was used to looking down on others.
This time, she was under the orders of her family to bring a team to Sulfur Mountain City to accomplish a diplomatic task. After much consideration and investigation, ensuring that it wasn’t some ploy from any other female priests to usurp her position, she received the mission, elated.
“Stupid and dirty two-legged bugs, how dare you inferior males reject the kind will of the Spider Queen! I see you all don’t even had the qualifications to serve as slaves. Then, burn in the fiery inferno of the Abyss while regretting your decisions.”
Even as a diplomatic ambassador, she, just like most of her other brethren, looked down on all other races that weren’t female Dark Elves. Due to that, from the very start, there wasn’t a real possibility for the diplomatic talk to succeed.
But, as Dark Elves, their motives here naturally included spying, and their true mission had only just begun.
“All of you, go and carry out the mission granted by the Spider Queen. Assassinate all of the people whose names are on the list as long as it is possible. Otherwise, just collect information on them for the time being.”
That’s why these days, the Town Security army received complaints from their Dark Elf mates moving suspiciously in the city, putting them in a hard position to make a move.
“That bunch of bitches wearing those laughable uniforms and worshipping the Holy Light, just looking at these dumbasses, who betrayed the Spider Queen makes me sick… If I am able to find an opportunity to kill them, the Mother of Spiders will definitely send down some rewards!”
But to Arunide, carrying out her family’s mission as a spy was only a bonus. Her true goal was to convert the team assigned to this mission and turn them into her devoted subordinates that would give up their lives for her interests.
Yet before she was able to find trouble with the misfits among her brethren, who worshipped the Holy Light, one of her accomplices from Chrome City unexpectedly got captured.
“Useless males, the way he behaved was too pathetic, too weak. But it would be troublesome if he talks. If Sulfur Mountain City were to get a hold against us, our diplomatic team from Morsblight might be expelled from the city. Not mentioning how embarrassing it would be, if we fail the reconnaissance and assassination mission coupled with our secrets getting revealed…”
Remembering the harsh torture her family dealt towards failures and the punishments the Spider Queen imposed upon weaklings, turning into a half-human half-spider freak or so… Arunide couldn’t help but shiver in fear.
Fortunately, the wise Spider Queen still favored her and the mark left on the male indicated that he was even taken away from the impregnable Fire Mountain Prison and brought to this weird house.
Despite hearing that it was the living quarters of a Lich, she didn’t back away.
“Just another foolish man. are you all virgins who haven’t enjoyed the service of those handsome Mages in the family before? To actually raid a Mage? Even if he was a legend-rank Mage, so what about it? We, Dark Elves, are the natural nemesis of Mages. We had 2 Shadow Dancers and a Priest of the Spider Queen, we could down him in an instant…”
But in this moment, she no longer possessed the calmness and confidence she had earlier.
“Explosions, explosions, explosions EVERYWHERE. The doorbell explodes, the door mat explodes and even a small pebble by the road explodes as well… Exactly what kind of place did we come to?” 5
The body of the gold-rank Shadow Dancer, who had been equal to her in fighting prowess, lay on the icy-cold floor. A hole had been opened in her head, her skullcap had been blown away and blood and brain matter flowed endlessly from within. Her cause of death…
“The powerful Blood of Haxinti actually died to an exploding coat rack. Will anyone be able to believe it? How am I going to explain to my family that I lost our strongest Assassin. After less than 3 minutes, only 3 people remain of our 2 teams and we haven’t even met our target yet.”
The surviving members no longer dared to proceed on and after the retreating Haxinti died to an exploding cost rack, they didn’t even dare to retreat anymore. They huddled together, wary of the surroundings.
But very soon, they no longer had to worry.
That was because in front of them, a floating figure appeared from the dark night. The silver-colored Ice magic and black-colored Death magic hovered around the skeleton. In the eyes, a purple color soulfire burned wildly and the icy-cold voice formed by the reverberation of magic brought out one’s despair.
“Nice to meet you, test subject 17893, test subject 17894 and test subject 17895. Welcome to my research lab. Un, please do remember your assigned numbers. From today on, those will be your new names. Here, will be your home until your deaths. I hope that I can make you feel the warmth of your new home.” 1
The voice created by a Lich’s magic was gender-ambiguous and had no trace of emotion within it. It was as though it was just announcing a known fact. The eyes that it used to look towards others, contained no lust towards males nor jealousy for females. If there was anything in it, it was only the interest towards the construct of one’s body.
Somehow, looking at the ghostfire burning in its cold eyes, Arunide remembered the warning of her grandmother who doted on her.
“In the view of the world, we, Dark Elves, are evil, dangerous and crazy. But, in the face of true evil, we are just pitiful lambs waiting to be slaughtered…”
“Grandmother, I finally understand the reason behind your sigh then. But a pity that it’s already too late… No benevolence nor evil, no love nor hatred, these eyes only see an animal waiting to be experimented on… Is this the shape of true evil?” 1
Before she lost her consciousness, the rising star of Morsblight City, the second daughter of the noble 3rd Family Arunide sighed for the final time.
CREATORS’ THOUGHTS
StarveCleric StarveCleric
Reedited by Devils_Advocate and his Team, the “Pranav Memorial Foundation”