Everybody is Kung Fu Fighting, While I Started a Farm - Chapter 33

Chapter 33: Soulless Pill-Downing 1
Translator: EndlessFantasy Translation Editor: EndlessFantasy Translation

“No, wait. There’s no way the farm could produce fakes, right?” 1
Jian He took out another qi pellet and studied it carefully. In appearance, the qi pellet resembled one of those Hawthorn Pills—appetite supplements—and was dark maroon in color, like red dates.
“Eh? Maroon?”
Jiang He fished out another qi pellet from his pocket—the one he found on Cordo’s body. The shape of that pellet was deformed, but both its color and scent was no different from the qi pellet in his hands.
“Well, turns out that this was a qi pellet as well. What a waste… I wouldn’t have spent a million bucks buying qi pellets from Mu Wanqiu if I knew what it was…” complained Jiang He.
But that was fine, since he would start growing them eventually. Nonetheless, what he grew could not be recycled as seeds, which was why the six normal qi pellets that remained had to be used as seeds. 2
Returning to his room, Jiang He gulped down another one of the qi pellets he grew. But even before he could assume a meditative pose to cultivate his Strengthened Nine Yang Techniques, he had already digested the qi pellet.
Still, Jiang He monitored his internal organs this time. Noticing that faint vapors of True Qi were added to his already-abundant stores, he understood something right then.
“It seems that the qi pellets aren’t fake, but the ones I’ve grown are a little special.”
After all, the qi pellets he grew melted away as soon as he put them in his mouth, directly converting to True Qi cultivation. Normal qi pellets, on the other hand, would require quiet meditation, and would take up to four days for a rank-four martial-artist to fully digest.
“Argh…” Jiang He breathed a long sigh, downing another qi pellet as he lay down on his bed and mumbled, “Though I’m spared the effort of cultivation, downing pills like this is soulless…” 2
Whipping out his phone to browse the Internet, he continued to eat a qi pellet every three to five minutes. Since it also had a nice sweet and sour taste, it was a much better snack than chocolate.
Then, after around twenty qi pellets…
Boom!
The qi in Jiang He’s body suddenly surged.
“Rank-four Advanced, just like that?”
Putting his phone down, Jiang He took out a cucumber. The golden cucumber was palpating a faint sweet scent, and yet when he smelled it, he felt like… vomiting.
How many cucumbers had he eaten recently? Even exotic delicacies got boring if one were to eat them every day. Nonetheless, scowling and steeling himself, Jiang He took a bite.
“Damn it, I’ll have one before I sleep every night. Everything can wait until after I’ve awakened!”
There was immeasurable resolve in Jiang He’s eyes. He was a man after all, so he should be hard on himself. Since when was everything smooth sailing on the path of cultivation anyway? 3
Only after he finished the cucumber did Jiang He go to sleep, and he slept all the way until noon. He then headed to a small diner at the entrance to the village, had some spicy soup to cleanse his palate, and bought a bag of carrot seeds before leisurely heading home.
When he returned to the village, he saw Wang Zhong coming towards him. That head of his was quite reflective under the sun.
“Where are you going, Chief Wang?” asked Jiang He.
Wang Zhong was wearing a suit and had a briefcase squeezed beneath his armpit. He was also walking quite fast, but paused when he heard Jiang He calling out to him.
“I have a meeting in the city. By the way, I’ve told the higher-ups about your house’s condition. After my meeting, I’ll head over to the civil department and see if I can bring forward your old house renovation funding.”
Jiang He quickly waved him off. “Don’t trouble yourself.”
Though Jiang He enjoyed teasing Wang Zhong, he had actually done much for the village since he took the post as village chief. And while he may be rich, he wouldn’t try to embezzle from the village for some spare change.
Not to mention, he used the connections he gained through his previous work as a contractor to help the village. For example, the village only gained a proper tarred road after he became chief. As a matter of fact, that road extended from the eastern end down to every house in the village.
After musing to himself for a moment, Jiang He said, “Chief Wang, I heard from Siyu that your son’s construction team is returning tomorrow, right? Incidentally, I have some spare cash on hand, and I could use them building me a mansion.”
“What airs are you putting on, brat? Do you think I don’t know how much money your family has?” scolded Wang Zhong. “And don’t Siyu here, Siyu there—my daughter has a name!”
“Alright, Chief Wang. I’ll discuss that with Siyu,” replied Jiang He in a chipper tone. With that, he strutted away.
“That brat…”
Wang Zhong stroked his bald spot while watching Jiang He from behind, breaking into a smile despite his insult. They were from the same village after all, and Wang Zhong knew Jiang He down to his roots.
“He has quite the mouth on him, but he’s a good lad, I guess. Since he is all that’s left of his family, Wang Siyu won’t have to worry about a grandmother-in-law’s cold shoulder or a mother-in-law’s bullying if she does get together with him… 8
***
Back home, Jiang He planted the carrot seeds over the ashes of the qi pellet tree. After he was done, he whipped out his phone and started to once again search online for more martial art manuals.
“I can plant one more manual before the farm reaches level three… I’ll have to think carefully about what to plant… I guess I don’t need anymore defensive arts.”
“My Indestructible Diamond is not weak in the first place, and the True Qi cultivated from the Nine Yang Technique provides a strong protection to my body too. Cordo’s blade didn’t really work against me, and he was a rank-four pinnacle. Perhaps only individuals who are rank-five pinnacle or above can hurt me.”
“As for offensive martial arts… I have over a thousand farm points now, so I can learn two more styles out of the Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms. Blade? Sword? Spear? I am quite keen on blades, but I don’t have any blade weapons…” 4
Jiang He eventually decided to learn a martial art based on posture or movement.
“What a pity that my farm level is too low to grow some sage techniques, or I would have planted some Six Path of Reincarnation Fists or Heaven Devouring Mastery to pluck stars and bring down moons.” 7
After all, this was a world of martial arts.
It was not too good to plant those stuff. Jiang He would have to wait until he reached a higher martial arts ranks before learning those martial arts that would overturn world views and petrify others.
As a matter of fact, Jiang He did try to plant the Scripture of Ethics (1), but that did not work. Still, there was no need to think too much when it comes to posture martial arts.
“Throughout the history of Wuxia, the most famous posture martial art would probably be Treading Over Ripples. That said, the most one awesome would still be Wei Yixiao’s Qinggong…” 2
However, after scrounging through the web for half a day, Jiang He realized that…
Wei Yixiao’s Qinggong didn’t have a name.
Awkward.
“Forget it then, I’ll just make up a name. Baidu says that his Qinggong moves are like a bat or a phantom, coming and going without leaving a trail as if he were merely a breeze or smoke. Well, then, it shall be named…”
Lifting his pen, Jiang He wrote down the name of the cultivation manual: Breezing Smoke Flight. 7
“Okay, that’s a good name, and now comes the mnemonic rhyming… eh?”
Jiang He ran into another problem. If the name of the marital art was not even available on the Internet, how was he supposed to get any mnemonic chants? 1
“Whatever! I’ll just have to make something up. Worst case scenario, it’ll just be a failed attempt at planting!”
Groaning, Jiang He was about to start writing again when a red Porsche stopped outside his gates, and out stepped Mu Wanqiu. She was still wearing leather spandex, but unlike before, she had grown…
Though she was not yet a D cup, she was at least a C cup now, which was a far cry from before when she was flat enough to be a writing board. Now, she walked tall with a confidence-filled stride. 1
***
Translator’s note:
1. Scripture of Ethics, also known as the Tao Te Ching or the Daodejing, is a fundamental text for religious or philosophical Taoism